What living away from home feels like

You wake up on a Sunday morning; both happy to have no work to attend to and wondering what you would do instead.

It’s not a surprise, though; it’s been the same for more than a year already – thinking of what interesting pastime to do on a day off, except on days when you have fixed weekend plans with friends. It’s so much different from the life you used to have, waking up to a day of plans, whether it’s yours or your family’s. There was always something going on – Sunday brunches, church days, weekend escapades.

But now, it’s different. You’re on your own, and instead of going to the kitchen where your breakfast is already prepared for you, you get up, get changed and prepare for yourself. You put on a smile, thinking of how far you’ve come, of how different you are from who you’ve been as you pick a cup and get yourself hot chocolate.

Bittersweet.

Such is the life of a young adult, independent, fighting for her visions, and away from home. Such is your life now.

You used to just dream about this before, and now that it’s happening, you’re at the front seat.

Unplanned cocktail nights with the girls, weekends when you can roam around the vast city alone, ambush dinners with friends after work. It actually is a good life and boy is it something you have ever imagined and more.

Living alone away from home means staying up all night, binge watching your favorite show or finishing your favorite book, without someone telling you to go to bed already.

It’s being able to stay out as late as you like, without the constant worry of waking someone up at midnight to open the door for you. It’s having chips and hot chocolate for breakfast on a weekend morning, then deciding to take a nap after.

It’s putting your speakers on full blast, while sweeping the floor and dancing to your favorite song, not worrying about bothering others.

It’s designing your own place, without having to worry whether someone else likes it or not. It’s never worrying about another, instead, it’s thinking about only yourself, of doing things you want to do, of feeling things that you want to feel, and of exploring things you want to experience all on your own. It’s discovering yourself – your strengths, your desires and the things you never thought you were capable of.

But being so also means looking after your own self. It’s being conscious of your food choices (most of the time) to stay healthy, and fending for yourself when you’re not. It’s making sure that you set your alarm on at night, because no one will wake you up in the morning. It’s forcing yourself to get up from a nap to prepare/order food for dinner, because if you don’t, you’ll hear your stomach rumbling by midnight. It’s finding your own source of comfort and upliftment after a long day at work. It’s cleaning up and doing your week’s worth of laundry despite wanting to rest on a work day because if not, you won’t have something decent to wear on another day of work.

It’s being there for your self – it means caring for your own, making sure that you stay up and about everyday, because the ones who used to do that for you, your family, now live far away from you.

At times, we do that – miss the comfort we used to feel in the embrace of home. There would always be that nostalgic feeling of coming home to homemade meals, of waking up to the warm sounds of your family on Sunday mornings, of those cozy dinners spent exchanging stories of the day, happy or sad.

But as time passes by, we realize that we can’t stay looking back forever. That instead of dreaming of what used to be, it’s time to focus on the now, on the present where you need to stand strong for your self and the future you’ve always wanted.

We can reminisce, we can recall, from time to time, but we need to put a strong foot forward now. After all, family will always be there. That, at least, is what we’re sure of- that they would always stand by us despite being oceans away. They might not be physically there, but the love and encouragement that they’ve showered you and continue to give so, will be your fuel to move forward – to reach for your dreams and build your future.

A strong base was what they gave you and now it’s time to put that base to use as you build our own empire. They gave you strength to stand on your own feet, and now it’s time to walk – to run a marathon, if you can, and win the race. For they inspired you in many ways, than some, to be who you are now,and now it’s time to do your part and make them proud.

Living away from family might be challenging sometimes but it’s a reality each one has to face to grow- separating from the warmth we’ve always known. For we can’t always stay at the same stance forever, at some point, we all have to move on, to move forward, to embrace the thought that good things are going to happen despite this separation. It will make us grow, give us strength and achieve things we never thought were possible. We will find ourselves.

You take a sip of your drink and find yourself smiling upon reading messages on your phone – your brother bickering with you, your mom asking whether you’re going to church today or not, and your aunt scolding you after seeing the photo you sent last night of you eating junk food.

You shake your head as realization hits you; that despite being miles apart, they will always be with you. That at the end of the day, when we finally find what we’re looking for, we can always rush back to share our heartfelt victories with them.

Because no matter where they are in this world, no matter where life may take you, you will always have them. Your heart will always belong to them. And with this thought committed in mind, you will never be lost.

You will always be home.

About mannikahliane

On happy pills 24/7. Living on the sunny side of life. IG: timikoliane Twitter: liane_clores