“We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve,” So Don’t Settle for Lesser Than What You Rightfully Deserve

We accept the love we think we deserve…

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

And I don’t know how much more those eight words could speak of all the answers to every question of confusion and frustrations we have on people and relationships.

This was Sam’s answer to Charlie’s question of: “Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?”

And I don’t know about you, but those fifteen words are one of the most excruciating question I have heard (or read).

I have seen the same scene with my friends… Yea. I just feel like slapping someone on his/her face right now as I reminisce how unloving such persons could treat my friends…or even just a fellow human being.

But I guess that is what it really is. Most of us settle on the love we think we deserve. We think that we deserve to be ignored…for a time. Then it becomes most of the times. Then every time. Then in no time. And we think that we must have done something wrong to be treated like it. But if we think it over, we could have realized that from the moment we were considered as someone to be ignored for a time, is something we definitely do not deserve.

And the same goes when we are being abused, shouted on, slapped on (so no, I won’t slap anyone, though), mistreated, made fool of, lied upon, and the list goes on…

So we have this hanging question which we often push away from our thoughts because we fear the answer to the “What should I do?” would be “Let him/her/them go.”

And because in some sort of foolishness, we still hold on. Because we think we deserve that person. Or that love. Or even just that…ugh…whatever. Just let them go.

Let them leave. Let them breathe…without you. It might be heart-wrecking. But you deserve more…more than being treated as a burden in their lives. More than being treated like you are nothing. More than being treated like you are just an option to them, or a temporary comfort or happiness to their wasted, boring lives. You deserve better. The best, if you try to be a little bit sensible for your own sake.

One friend of mine once told me, “All who leave will return.” And I was like, “I don’t think so!” while thinking of all the people who have left me as the years in my life passed from one season to another.

Let them leave.

They also deserve it.

What if they just thought they deserve to be with you, and what if they realized they are not deserving for whatever you have given them because maybe in some point of their lives they saw how much of a loser they are for being so state-all-the-reasons-you-have-in-mind-here to you?

And if they return?

Let them. But maybe not necessarily to make things work out again. Maybe they were just meant to return to thank you for letting them go. (And I know that is like, uhhh, an ultimate smash on your face, but hey, you deserve someone else.) But of course it would be so much better if by that time you can also thank them back for teaching you to learn how to let go.

Because at the end of the day, you know that that is what you deserve.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” 

What do you deserve?

~ Bon Voyage, Doc!

About drapreciousjem

Precious Jem is a Filipino medical doctor in-the-making. A tea-lover, she loves reading and laughing. Breads and pastries are her addiction.