It has been 18 months since we broke up, 8 months since I begged for you to come back to me and I realized, IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
I read this somewhere and it really fits what I felt:
Everything stops to matter when we’re together. That’s always been the case for me.
I was happy with you and I felt all those butterflies and those sparks and all those cloud 9s I was supposed to feel, but nothing as strong as the pain I’m feeling then. I remember everything too vividly. As if everything that we shared are all flashing right before my eyes, fast enough to remind me of everything but slow enough to make me feel once more.
My dear, what happened to us? You had become the person I would least expect you to be. You broke all the promises you ever made, you made me feel like I don’t matter at all. What happened? I had played all the cards left and sometimes, sometimes I wonder if any of the things we shared meant anything to you.”
We are still together but I felt like you are mingling with my “friend”, I can still remember how I felt immature to get jealous when you keep on reminding me that it’s “nothing”. Days and months pass, you we’re getting closer, and whatever I do to keep you away from her, it’s you who always find ways to see her.
I still remember when you almost begged me to allow you to see her on her OJT, and guess what? I drove you to her and even waited for you. That night, I know that there is something wrong, you won’t beg for someone who don’t even matter to you. But I just ignored it because I trust you and I love you and she is my friend, we even go to places with her, even fetched her, dropped her off in their house in QC and in Batangas, so why would I think that you two will betrayed me. I trust you both.
The fights and arguments that we have are becoming a habit, you always stayed up late every night and even holding your phone and never out of your sight, which for the past 2 years that we’re together is not your thing, you don’t like spending most of your time holding your phone and texting, hiding your phone, changing the password, so I knew there’s something going on.
December 2013, you broke up with me. You said, you want to prioritized your work and family, so I gave you your freedom. When I was away, we’re still texting and you still call me, and, I always caught you lying to me. After we broke up, you spent the whole month with her, and January 2014, you were officially together. To think that I still live in your house, we still share sweet moments, you still call me “baby”, you still say “iloveyou”.
What happened to us? What happened to all your promises? You always say that I will be the only love of your life, that we will spend the rest of our lives together, that you want me to took care of you when we’re old. What happened?
I know how stupid I am and even asked you to choose, but you just can’t, you said you love me but you love her too and you can’t let go of one of us. You’re so unfair! Im so faithful and loyal to you, I didn’t flirt and spend intimate time with anyone because Im sure of my love for you, I’m sure of our forever. But you lied, you played with my feelings, you took advantage of it and make my life miserable. You took away everything from me, I let go of my ego and my pride for you. I begged you to come back to me, I even begged her, but maybe you two we’re the best combination of sh*t. And maybe, you’re both laughing while doing it to me, and Im such a fool. Fool of loving you that much, fool for hoping that we are meant for each other, and that this is just part of loving someone. But I was wrong, I loved a monster, the monster who put me in hell and leave me there. Waiting for nothing.