You hear it. You feel it. You see judgement in their eyes. But nothing gets to me more than hearing my fellow Filipinos join in on the dissection of what they think they know about my relationship with my partner. He is as white as a Caucasian can get; and I am a brown-skinned Filipina. None of that matters, but it is naive to think that this world is free of judgement. You just tend to get stared at more if you’re not part of the norm. Your oddity is like an open door for hateful glares and comments. One would think though that in this day and age people would be more accepting… especially my fellow Pinays. Unfortunately, it is often not the case, and having sonic ears – I overheard a group of Filipinos saying:
“Siguro pokpok yan. Yung pang gobernador.”
“Magaling mag INGLISH eh…”
“Bakit may mga assumptionista namang pokpok ah.” (Wow.)
“Parang kilala ko yang chick na yan… yung may kasamang puting may tattoo.”
“May scandal yan! Napanood ko sa cellphone nung kaibigan ko dati.”
Here are the insults I got from random people of varying ethnicity:
“Look at that skinny gook. He’ll leave her once she gets FAT.”
“Twinkie *giggle*giggle* ”
If people just talk about my physical appearance, I don’t mind, I can brush that off easily. But why do Filipinas target the most sensitive of issues when it comes to being a woman? I don’t feel the need to expound on where I came from, how I got here or how decent I am compared to anyone because I KNOW I AM. My mom raised me well and that is all I can say. If a Filipina is in a relationship with a man who is of another race, can anyone directly conclude that she is or she has been a prostitute? What is it with some Pinays and their pedestrian way of thinking when it comes to these types of relationships? Yet, they could accept a 60 year old man fondling a young blond girl’s derriere. Fair enough, they might be in love (I doubt it, the man owns a Porsche) but that kind of behavior is not meant for public display, yet, there I was just holding hands with my boyfriend – and I’m the prostitute?! Why is it that this notion almost seems pandemic? Am I just unfortunate enough to be surrounded by these types of Filipinos? I am not generalizing our race, but most of the hurtful racial comments I got are from my fellow Filipinos, which is not how I remember my countrymen to be. I already get enough heckling from other races – but from my own? I don’t know where all the ‘theories’ are coming from about my profession and my “purity,” or in this case, lack thereof. It’s something I have to get used to (I guess…) but a part of me just wants to fight back and say:
“Ikaw ang pokpok! Tingnan mo yang boobs mo halos lumuwa na! Ano akala mo dito – Quezon Circle?! Taas taas ng glass heels mo tapos ako ang pokpok? At hindi ako taga Assumption!” and;
“Gago ka pala puro scandal lang laman ng utak mo. Hindi ako nagpapa video! Ulol!”
But instead I pretended not to understand a word and left. It hurts more to be insulted in Tagalog. I would often talk to my friends in the Philippines about it, and they would try their best to comfort me, but another day passes and a new tirade of insults come rushing my way. I wonder if it will all stop soon. Maybe I will just develop a thick skin and learn to block anything negative from all races – including my own. If I could master that, I reckon I would be all right, but as for now, I just have to pretend it doesn’t hurt and suck it up. One thing I have learned from the Philippines is to be tough. I can’t look at everything wide-eyed like a spanking-new soul every time. I need to toughen up when it comes to things like this because there is now way I can avoid it. I AM in an interracial relationship. I will get insulted one way or the other – even by Filipinos. I could only wish the world would be less narrow-minded in their perception of interracial relationships, but like my Grandma has always said : it will happen but all in good time. As much as I want to remain idealistic about love and relationships and how others perceive it, I simply cannot, because the reality is – one can only dream for it to be true.
Relationships, whether platonic/romantic/intimate, do not have a color palette. It does not have a colour/gender/weight/height selector either. You simply fall in love. It may not be the case all the time, but for most girls, it is ultimately LOVE. Corny but true.
This is my personal experience and it is not under any circumstances, the way, the truth and the life of other Interracial Relationships – Some are in a much better social condition. 🙂