I have been travelling on my own, lately, not only because I am in my post-break-up-phase and would-definitely-love-some-alone-time-phase; but because I am loving my new found freedom.
I wanted to hoard memories with myself and with life itself. I want to do things and go out of my comfort zone. I want to challenge my limits; of how far can I go and how long will I last. I want to live life on the edge. Cliche` as it may sound, but… we only live once. I don’t want to live a life of regrets. I want to live life to the fullest.
So… I decided to travel again. Alone this time around. Without informing anyone about my plans, whereabouts and whatnot. No mobile phone, no planner, no laptop — only courage.
It was such a nice feeling to do things on my own. I felt so independent and empowered. Travelling alone is a very good excuse to break my routine and embrace spontaneity. And go wherever life takes me… or doing some stupid stuff like: random stop over and forgetting about my flight so my plane left without me in it. Thus, I ended up sleeping over at the airport’s bench and most of the time floor; while embracing my ‘chance passenger’ status. Loathing myself for my irresponsibility and after awhile laughing at my stupidity.
I am a part fish than a water baby. (My mom and uncle used to bring me to the beach even when I was still an infant and until I reach puberty). So, I decided to be an island girl and hop from island to another. Kayaking alone without the feeling of anxiety about being swallowed by the waves or being conscious about me looking funny and losing my poise; oh how I struggle with the paddle! Most of the time I would paddle in circles than paddle forward! Pathetic. But I remember how the tourists in the resort, cheered me up. Such motivation from strangers. Snorkeling alone without worry of what creature I might swim with, and how I wish I knew how to surf just like my best friend Chek. I did try to surf, but looking fab than ludicrous was important for me. I already lost my muchness, fabness, and dignity when I kayak alone. I cliff jumped with the strangers, and I so love how I suspended on the air while the sea bid its time to devour me. It was exhilarating! It was so nice. The feeling of letting go and running loose… that was priceless!
I used to hate the sun so much. I hate the way it scorches my skin. But I tried sunbathing with total confidence and pay no heed to the people around me and enjoying Mr. Sun’s hotness. Amazing. But at the end of the day when I examined my skin tone after looking at the sunset inside my cottage; I cried because I love how it burnt my skin! I was looking at my bruises and scratches from kayak and snorkel; I felt a certain pride. As if those scars were my battle scars. I felt like I was a warrior fresh from battle and those bruises and scratches were my trophies of valor. I am being sentimental again… tsk.
I enjoyed my all time favorite: horseback riding. I was supposed to visit a coffee farm and inquire about the retreat house managed by the monks. But I ended up in Forest Park; bonding with their stallions and mares. I did not regret taking the other way and not adhering to my plan.
In one of my travels, I endeavor watching fireworks alone without yearning for a romantic companion. Before, I disliked watching fireworks alone. I used to believe that fireworks are something magical and should be watch with someone romantically special. But I was never wrong. It was truly remarkable experience. I enjoyed the fleeting moments of the glittering lights as it vanish in the thin air and not feeling an even slightest tinge of envy with the couples singing around me. I did not feel empty, alone or isolated. I felt me. Contented. Peace. Blessed. Alive. Free.
My best friends told me that I have ways with people. Thus, meeting new people was not that hard for me. I did try playing beach volley with total strangers and I was rewarded with new friends. Drinking and clubbing alone without reservations. Dancing like a pro and dancing with friends and from one friend to another and with friends-of-friends-of-friends-of-friends. Meeting new people. Creating new circle. Forming bonds. While reconstructing my damage self and building a new self-concept. Establishing control over my emotions. Strengthening the foundation of my personality. Embracing my peculiarity and imperfections. Tightening my bond with my family and friends.
Booking a ticket and hotel room for one. Made a reservation at the restaurants for one. I am having fun with myself. I discover so many things that I was and was not capable of doing. I have stretched my limits. I have challenged myself, one way or another. I used to plan ahead and organized almost all aspects of my life, but I learned to embrace that there are things don’t go in our favor because some things are already planned and organize by fate. That terrible and painful thing must happen so that the right things will fall into place. I had finally gained the virtue of acceptance; towards fate, life, and death.
I now understand the value of spending a quality time with myself. Not because I am being emo, but this is also a chance to get to know myself in a deeper sense. This is a chance for me to reflect, relaxed, re-energize and rebuilt.
Reflect about my life: of what I’ve been through and what else do I want to achieve, have I been greedy or contented? Have I been cynical and skeptical? I just simply asked myself random questions and answer them with all honesty. I wish not to fool myself by answering lies and farce wisdom. Relaxed, just feeling the moment… the mundane things and happenings in life that we tend to overlook such as breathing, laughter, smiles, falling of the leaves, the caress of the winds and the gentle pat of the rain. Re-energize, finding my strengths, establishing my goals, setting my priorities and with those I am slowly rebuilding my life.
And now… I am once again planning for another escapade. I am excited! Wherever life takes me… you’ll soon find out.
*P.S. Always spend a quality time for yourself… five minutes a day will do. Do not be a stranger to your own life.