At exactly 07:00 am Abu Dhabi time, the sound of an alarm rips me off from my paradise bed. Routinely as it is, it never fails to disappoint me. Yes, I know I should be thankful that at least something has the urge to get my ass off the comfort bed.
As soon as I open my eyes, my other half has already gone to the bath for that morning ritual. No lazy breakfast, no cuddling…We save it later in a day ? Well, that’s how it goes with our work routine. My company driver will then ring my phone–not necessarily a call but just a sign that he’s already downstairs and waiting for me.
On my way to work, that’s usually the time when I set and condition my mind, body and soul for the day ahead. And also, it’s when I ponder about my family back home. Yes, a 10 to 15 minute drive to work means a call to my mother or most often, wondering about my daughter. She was barely 2 years old when I left home. Still a baby and can barely talk. That was 2007. Two years after, I went for vacation. My Seraphime quickly became a child and as much as I wanted to stay, the thought of greener pasture devilishly lingered on my mind.
Surprisingly, the grass on the other side is not always greener. Before I left for Dubai in 2007, I told myself I will only need 2 years. Well, as of the writing of this article, it is now in 2011 which means it is my 4th year in Dubai.
I kind of disappointed myself for not being able to fulfill my wish. But life has to go on and I have to go on and work and work, and work. It’s not about self-fulfillment anymore, but rather a huge desire to not disappoint my family’s needs. And most often, I find myself in deep thoughts. Mainly, it’s about my daughter. I want her to have a good life. I want the best for her…I’m mature enough to admit that Dubai is not the answer. There are job opportunities everywhere; I can get myself one in the Philippines. Yet, I won’t be earning the same as I am earning now.
At the back of my mind, a cute little angel would whisper..”You will be with your daughter anyway..” And I’ve thought of that million times. I’ve lost a million opportunities to be with my daughter, and I can never ever get those times back. Someday, I hope my daughter will understand why I have to be miles away from her. This was my choice and admittedly I am often bounded with guilt. A kind of guilt that is incurable. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel that way. I am working hard and making sure that every penny goes to my family even if it means leaving me with only a quarter of my salary. I don’t feel bitter and I don’t feel bad because the very essence of my hardwork is for my family alone. For as long as i have my bones intact, I will work my ass off to give them a better life.
For now, the fact that my family is in good hands gives me a priceless solace. At the end of the day, they remain on top of my priorities. A lot of people will probably not comprehend the choices I have made; we all have to break few sticks at times so to build a stronger foundation. My daughter just graduated from Kindergarten 2 and for a first time mom, it’s already an accomplishment.
Still a long way to go though…