The Downside of a Working Mother

At exactly 07:00 am Abu Dhabi time, the sound of an alarm rips me off from my paradise bed. Routinely as it is, it never fails to disappoint me. Yes, I know I should be thankful that at least something has the urge to get my ass off the comfort bed.

As soon as I open my eyes, my other half has already gone to the bath for that morning ritual. No lazy breakfast, no cuddling…We save it later in a day ? Well, that’s how it goes with our work routine. My company driver will then ring my phone–not necessarily a call but just a sign that he’s already downstairs and waiting for me.

On my way to work, that’s usually the time when I set and condition my mind, body and soul for the day ahead. And also, it’s when I ponder about my family back home. Yes, a 10 to 15 minute drive to work means a call to my mother or most often, wondering about my daughter. She was barely 2 years old when I left home. Still a baby and can barely talk. That was 2007. Two years after, I went for vacation. My Seraphime quickly became a child and as much as I wanted to stay, the thought of greener pasture devilishly lingered on my mind.

Surprisingly, the grass on the other side is not always greener. Before I left for Dubai in 2007, I told myself I will only need 2 years. Well, as of the writing of this article, it is now in 2011 which means it is my 4th year in Dubai.

I kind of disappointed myself for not being able to fulfill my wish. But life has to go on and I have to go on and work and work, and work. It’s not about self-fulfillment anymore, but rather a huge desire to not disappoint my family’s needs. And most often, I find myself in deep thoughts. Mainly, it’s about my daughter. I want her to have a good life. I want the best for her…I’m mature enough to admit that Dubai is not the answer. There are job opportunities everywhere; I can get myself one in the Philippines. Yet, I won’t be earning the same as I am earning now.

At the back of my mind, a cute little angel would whisper..”You will be with your daughter anyway..” And I’ve thought of that million times. I’ve lost a million opportunities to be with my daughter, and I can never ever get those times back. Someday, I hope my daughter will understand why I have to be miles away from her. This was my choice and admittedly I am often bounded with guilt. A kind of guilt that is incurable. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel that way. I am working hard and making sure that every penny goes to my family even if it means leaving me with only a quarter of my salary. I don’t feel bitter and I don’t feel bad because the very essence of my hardwork is for my family alone. For as long as i have my bones intact, I will work my ass off to give them a better life.

For now, the fact that my family is in good hands gives me a priceless solace. At the end of the day, they remain on top of my priorities. A lot of people will probably not comprehend the choices I have made; we all have to break few sticks at times so to build a stronger foundation. My daughter just graduated from Kindergarten 2 and for a first time mom, it’s already an accomplishment.

Still a long way to go though…

17 Comments

  1. there are a lot of moms and dads out there who are suffering just like you. it’s like a trap that year after year they have this promise to stay for good back home. Unfortunately, because of the increasing needs in the family, this promise ay laging na napapako.

    Is there any chance to end this struggles? Of course meron, sana in a shorter period of time, you are able to be united with your daughter for good.

    I have this same prayer everyday.

    • hi tony boy, thank you for taking time to read and comment. very much appreciated! yes, i felt like it is becoming like a trap.

      i still believe that in heaven’s time, our prayers will be granted. when it does, it’ll be very sweet….

      • Hi Diana,

        Well… as OFW, that’s what I see in years to come if I don’t do something about it. In fact, that’s I do everyday to find choices. It’s not easy but there’s a way.

        That’s of nice of you, making sense to others.

  2. the justification is clear now but its fulfillment unfortunately will be felt years to come as you assess. Will it be worth it aside from the material gains? Nevertheless I salute you for the emotional pain you suffer and endure for her future, I hope your child surpasses it too.

  3. I salute you, for every breath you take mother, for it is the sign of your love for you child and your family, you’re still alive and fighting for thier future. A hero in heart and mind.A survivor. A warrioir. Sick and pain of being far from thier childhood will be fulfilled in His time.

  4. I salute you, for every breath you take mother, for it is the sign of your love for you child and your family, you’re still alive and fighting for thier future. A hero in heart and mind.A survivor. A warrioir. Sick and pain of being far from thier childhood will be fulfilled in His time.

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