The Big C at age 23

Yes, I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 23.

Being diagnosed with an  illness like this at an early age could be the most challenging dilemma that one could face. But for me, this is a blessing that comes from God.

Of course at first, I cried a bucketful of tears. I also went through the process of asking God ‘Why me?’ because I did nothing wrong towards people around me. At the beginning, it was a stage where depression was my only friend. Days that I didn’t see the light and reasons for living. All I wanted to do was just to perish.

The agony of pain from my sickness everytime it attacks me do not take me down. Realizations come rushing whenever my cancer sting engulf the whole me. I just look at the ceiling of our house, thinking of the past mistakes I may have done in my life.

sad young man photo
Photo by Fotorech (Pixabay)

I asked myself if I have truly lived with my potential. I did many wrong things in my life. Like not doing the best that I can be when I was still a student. Also I chose to rebel against my parents’ ambition for me because of the favoritism issue and thinking that they do not love me. But at the end, I realized my family has always been on my side and I have failed to see how big their love for me is.

The most regretful thing that I have in life is when my father died. He was not able to see the positive changes in me. I have learned that we should not wait for bad things to happen before finally deciding to change. And I have waited also to have this sickness before I finally decided to change.

For some, cancer might be a curse in their life. But for me, cancer made me able to see who I really am; thus guiding me in the right path in always doing the right thing.

My sickness made me realize how valuable our life is and I should not take it for granted. At any moment, when the severity of my cancer reach its highest point, I might breathe my last instantly. Hugging this reality made me always express my love and gratitude to every person in my life. I always express how I love my family, friends, and other people around me.

In every day of my life, I make sure that I show kindness in every people I meet. I smile a lot even if deep inside I am aching. But there are days that I can’t control my feelings. Although I am trying hard to show kindness, but having a bad mood often take kindness away due to the pain I am feeling. When it occurs, I pray harder hoping that people will understand what I did.

sad young man photo
Photo by bngdesigns (Pixabay)

For every capsule that I have to swallow, I am reminded how my life is short. So as much as possible I should be always optimistic. I get angry at people who are lucky enough not to have this cancer but wasting their full potentials in doing the things that could eventually destroy them. It makes me sad whenever I encounter rebel or stubborn kids who do not see the good potentials that they have. They should strive harder to be better persons. Life is short. Their addiction in short term happiness must be stopped. They should start thinking of their future and begin to make progress in their life.

I want them to realize that life outside the four corners of their classroom can be cruel. It might eat them alive if they are not fully equipped. I want them to dream bigger and start to work on positive things. I want them to realize that romantic love with someone is not a necessity; instead they must value first the hardships that their parents went through for their schooling. Having a crush is okay, but they must be emotionally and financially ready when they enter into a relationship.

Cancer put me on a bridge – a path to somewhere outside of Earth. One step away, I might bid goodbye. But I hope God will be kind enough to give me an extension. My mother has already spent a huge amount of money for my medication. It has put us in financial debt; however, we are now, though slowly, getting out of it.

sad young man photo
Photo by OyeHaHa (Pixabay)

I proposed to my mother that we should live out of the slum community where we are living. But she said no, because the slum community has imparted the biggest life lesson in our life. That we should not take everything for granted. Because some are struggling to live, therefore the blessings that we are enjoying now must be valued and shared.

I have never seen the value of what my mother was saying until cancer hit me. I have learned now to appreciate our community, because it reminded me how we are still blessed enough so that we are able to help those people in need.

Cancer is a blessing if only one is brave enough to accept it. If I die young because of it, I’ll make sure that I have lived to my full potential and have already accomplished the things I want done in my life. In addition, I’ll make sure I have taken lots of selfies so that people will always remember me.

About Robinson Valenzona

I am a senior high school teacher who wants to write and to teach young ones for the betterment of their mind and of our country as well.