– It’s not just a word.
In fact, you’ll never find its exact meaning from any dictionary in this world.
Because it’s each letter represents very different people and their personalities, their stories, connection and involvement to this relationship, this round of friendship.
It’s a friendship made of pain, love, hope, and memories.
From wreckage of old fantasies of old groups, finding our own selves later healed by time having each other. Strange as it always seem I still a wonder how it all started, how it really happened and how it touched our hearts.
We just found out we’re all together, enjoying each others company, and having fun.
It was a strong friendship, like a hard wall, thick and tall almost impossible to demolish or just what I thought.
Perhaps it really was, once.
It was very nice, when I hear it said, read it on my wall, or just come on my mind, I’ll smile remembering everything, those moments, not just the times but every moments we had when we’re all together, having fun, making history, bringing out the best from everyone, from everything, from anything, and even sometimes messing up.
Suddenly, you I’ll be saddened because you don’t know if it can happen again or if it will remain as just memories ‘til forever. Then I’ll feel anger and frustrations but I’ll realize I don’t have the right to feel that way ‘cause I’m one of those who just let it happen without doing anything.
It’s damn hard to admit.
It’s very painful.
Because probably, it’s over.
We’re all done.
No more JAMRACKS.
Even just the thought of it makes me breathless.
It really hurts.
Seems like hundreds of tiny needles, slowly, one by one stabbing my heart leaving me weak.
At first, I can’t feel the pain but as it goes, it hurts more, feel worst. Yet, I have to deceive myself. I have to endure the pain silently, and enjoy it by myself.
Just the same as our beginning, we didn’t know how it exactly happened.
It was more like cancer barely attacking us through our own little conflicts and misunderstandings.
We are all so worried on how this will end.
It seemed so fragile; too fragile we just cannot touch it, afraid from the nightmares of yesterday.
None of us noticed that those simple ripples have injured us.
None of us took heed.
The silence, the distance, the gap took control pulling us farther apart.
It made us feel empty or it made us numb.
We can’t feel the affection anymore, no more specializations.
The group, the friendship, it’s always there constantly hanging but we can’t feel it nor see it.
We just realized things are not the same as before, a lot has greatly changed.
Sadly, none of us seemed to bother to make it right, to put things back, at its least.
Perhaps, there is a reason why we find it hard to admit what is going on.
Why we still try to hold on, why we remain standing though we’re all numb, why we believe that there is no ending yet, and that there will be no ending for this.
We can’t speak for forever and we can’t give a promise but we do it.
JAMRACKS is a fellowship, a family, we’ll never forget, marked on our minds, carved on our hearts, part of our lives.
We’re made of pain already, so we should be used to this.
Just like what our songs says, it’s the only best we ever had.
And then we’ll just see, after the feeling of anger and guilt, the smile comes back on our faces looking forward for the days to be together again, having fun, celebrating, trip, be crazy, we’ll do everything again together.
And the only reason will be HOPE.
Hope that everything will be alright, hope that everything will be fine, and hope that everything will be back
There is nothing wrong but there not everything is right also.
I know, we know that everything will happen.
There is hope.
Maybe, the fire has burnt out but embers remain, it means that love trust and respect for each other and for the whole group is still on our hearts.
I know it’s hard to gather all of us again, we have our own paths to pass, our own journey of life, our own dreams to pursue and we’re all separated by distances.
But no matter what, we know we still have each other and at the end of each pathway, our lives will cross again.
As I always say, “pain, love and hope” and now, memories.
We are jamracks ‘til hell freezes.
We will never forget.
It sailed away, I’m here to stay.
Nothing’s the same, I’ll say it’s name.
It stole my world, now I’m just phony,
Send it in this letter, make it feel better.
It’s not so bad; it’s the best we ever had.
(Best I Ever Had Vertical Horizon)
- Cruel World We Have - November 19, 2015
- Strengthening Your Relationship (and getting rid of your on-again-off-again routine relationship) - November 30, 2013
- Paano Kung? - March 10, 2013
- Positive Reinforcements! - March 4, 2013
- For You, Mama - March 3, 2013
- Graded Recitation! - March 2, 2013
- Let Me Tell you this, Ianne - January 30, 2013
- Failed Quiz! - August 10, 2012
- A Tribute to SIR ENTENG - August 7, 2012
- The Best We Ever Had - June 16, 2012