The Battle for LOVE..Marriage or Wedding?

What about your own wedding? It’s long overdue. When will it happen, if it ever will?

“Only God knows! Another lesson: There are certain things in life that shouldn’t be forced; may mga bagay sa buhay na hindi pinipilit. The truth is that Tony’s marriage (To Denise Yabut. – RFL) hasn’t been annulled. You know, true love is not selfish. When I entered this relationship with Tony, I was 23 and he was 19 years older than I was. I knew that he was separated but his marriage was not annulled. Honestly, I never thought that we were going to last this long.”

This long is how long?

“Twelve years. I thought that after giving birth, wala na kami. But look, we are still together.”

You do have everything except, well, the marriage.

“You know, many times I would cry over that wedding. I think I deserve it. But I can wait. You see, Tony has sacrificed so much for me, for the love of me… and I don’t even know why. So, do I have anything to complain about? Do I have to say, ‘Hey, I want that wedding?’ Tony has more than proven his love for me so many times and that is for the whole Philippines to know. So I told myself, ‘I’m not gonna pester him about marrying me; I’m not gonna pester him to get an annulment. If we are meant for each other, it will come. Going through an annulment is very painful. I love Tony so much that I won’t make him go through that anymore. That annulment has to be given to him.” — Gretchen Baretto.

Hindi ako fan ni Gretchen Baretto, dahil hindi ako mahilig sa artista. But when I did a research for my next blog, she has the most sensible and honest answer..She is very bright!

Marriage is a union of two people who truly love each other…

Wedding is a celebration or a ceremony between two people, even with or without love….

Of course its given that most of women today, gustong maging bride….Long gown, white, silk veil, sino ba naman ang ayaw maging isang reyna sa araw na iyong kasal at sa dulo ng altar ay may isang lalaking naghihintay at handa kang pakisamahan sa habangbuhay…Hindi masama ang mangarap na magkaroon ng isang wedding…It but natural for every woman to dream of having a wedding, engrande man o simple.

But marriage? Ilan sa ating mga Pilipino ang nakakaalam ng totoong kahulugan ng salitang ito? Marahil iisipin ng iba, pareho lamang ito, kailangan mayroong wedding bago magkaroon ng Marriage.. Sa tradisyong nating mga Pilipino dapat ganito at sa turo ng simbahan dapat ganyan…Tama naman and I couldn’t agree more..

But we must also understand na ang bawat tao ay magkakaiba ng panuntunan sa buhay..Maaring Marriage muna (LIVE-IN kung walang kasal) Bago ang Wedding. And we should all be aware na HINDI lahat ng ikinakasal ay may pag-ibig sa isat-isa. Nandyan ang arranged, pikot, forced wedding na tinatawag…in my 40 years of existence, i have witness all kinds of relatioship between man and woman…Naging malawak ang pang unawa ko sa lahat ng bagay at sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay….Mayroong nagsisimula sa tama na nagtatapos sa mali or vise versa…

Take the case of my grandparents, the truth was that my grandparents were never married until they both died. But they’ve lived together for 60 years with 12 children and over 40 grandchildren. They’ve lived happily without us knowing na never pala sila ikinasal. Yes, Walang kasal na nagyari kasi nga my lola was  married to a certain “Datu” somewhere in Leyte.. So when she met my lolo and eventually fell in love, at that time, they decided to live with each other… Later na nga lang namin nalaman na ganun pala ang katotohanan at lahat kami ay mga “illegitimate” lamang…=))

Sa panahon ngayon, you can stay “married” without having the wedding. They somehow call it , “de facto” or common law wife..Marami ng nagtalo between legal wife or mistress.. I was watching the news about Iggy Arroyos case. Battle between the legal wife and the common law wife.. Sad… Two established, beautiful, intelligent women pero nag aagawan sa isang lalaki. Ang isa pag aari si Iggy dahil sya ang pinakasalan, ang isa dahil sya ang mahal at pinakisamahan hanggang kamatayan….

Sa akin napakasimple lamang, Kasal ka man sa isang tao kung alam mong sa puso nya iba ang mahal nya..it is time to let go….TRUE LOVE is not selfish….Maaring magdulot ng isang napakasakit na pakiramdam ang katotohanan subalit ito ay dapat tanggapin. Ang sabi nga..

“Kung ikaw ay nagmamahal ng dalawang tao, mas piliin mo ang pangalawa dahil di ka magmamahal ng pangalawa kung mahal mo ang una”..

Marami na rin akong nabasang mga blog about legal wife and mistress at parehong may puntos dahil bawat punto ay ginawa at sinabi ayon sa bawat paniniwala ng bawat isa….

Again case to case basis ito, dahil di lahat ng mistress o kabit na tinatawag ng karamihan ay katulad ng iba na walang pakialam. Marami akong kilala na nasa ganitong sitwasyon na ang tanging naging mali lamang nila ay magmahal sa lalaking nagkataong me asawa na. At di rin lahat ng legal wife ay laging api, again its case to case basis…

Sa case ni Gretchen Baretto , maituturing man syang isang Mistress dahilan sa may legal wife pa ang kanyang partner na si Tony, but to be honestly speaking, I do admire Gretchen for her having said that message above… And for that she has my respect! That’s what I called True Love..

My point of writing this blog is for us to realize na ang isang relasyon ay di lamang isang 1 day affair like “the wedding”..It is a lifetime commitment para sa dalawang taong totoong nagmamahalan. Kasal man o hindi, legal wife ka man o hindi…ito lamang ang iyong dapat tandaan…

” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud”…

29 Comments

  1. also how can you say true love is an immoral love?… if you are sour graping because you, like Gretchen are mistresses…or maybe you are born out of wedlock huwag ka namang magpayo ng mali… pwede namang ikasal kahit simple lang… d ba sa city hall may mga libreng kasal? walang gastos….unless yung partner mo d na pwedeng ikasal kasi kasal na he he he…tsk tsk…. pero don’t use it naman as your reason to advise wrongly and thou shall not put GOD in vain. even sa time ni Jesus may wedding na sa Canaa so importante pa rin ang sinasabi mong one day affair kasi di lang naman ang celebration…it is the act and the bond you entered to between you,your husband to be and GOD. so again readers be cautious ang daming pitfalls ng sumulat ng blog na to…. hindi siguro Christian writer na to….

  2. also how can you say true love is an immoral love?… if you are sour graping because you, like Gretchen are mistresses maybe you are born out of wedlock huwag ka namang magpayo ng mali… pwede namang ikasal kahit simple lang… d ba sa city hall may mga libreng kasal? walang gastos….unless yung partner mo d na pwedeng ikasal kasi kasal na he he he…tsk tsk…. pero don’t use it naman as your reason to advise wrongly and thou shall not put GOD in vain. even sa time ni Jesus may wedding na sa Canaa so importante pa rin ang sinasabi mong one day affair kasi di lang naman ang celebration…it is the act and the bond you entered to between you,your husband to be and GOD. so again readers be cautious ang daming pitfalls ng sumulat ng blog na to…. hindi siguro Christian writer na to….

  3. alam mo sa tingin ko ang writer neto “kabit” or in a relationship with someone not free anymore….nag site ka pa ng Bible verse di mo naman kinumpleto ineng…. The Bible verse about love also says…”i Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” how can you say you let go of someone you’re married to easily?… kung lahat ng tao susunod sa advise mo…I doubt if even 1% e matirang nagsasama….Remember also that GOD hates Divorce. Why can’t people work on their differences and value commitment…ang hirap sa atin we live in Microwave world gusto lahat instant! and lahat Disposable kagaya ng advise ng writer na ito….pag may problema palitan kaagad or itapon kaagad kuha ulit ng bago o ibang ipapalit… only to end up in the same situation…Remember my Dear..THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.- Mort Fertel. So readers be cautious with everything you read…not all advises are good. Learn to decipher.GOD Bless.

  4. Nice article. I can relate with it. The thing is, I left the first one and he was an architect caught him with another woman. I was not alone because God gave me a baby. Now, I got married and we have another baby. I love my life now and tama nga sabi ni Ms J..true love is not selfish…ibigay mo lng ng todo at magtira ka lang kaht kaunti sa sarili mo

  5. what if the guy claimed he loves his wife so much and he loves the other woman too? Is it possible to love two person at the same time? I doubt it! It’s either he is fooling himself or the other woman. He still let the legal wife control their lives even if they do not have children :- in short under de saya na lahat ng sweldo nya binibigay nya kay wife walang natitira sa kanya for the last 20 years. It bothers me a lot as the guy is my close relatives…This is a nice topic/blog. Hope he can reads this at matauhan sya na hindi komo pinakasalan at wife nya..ibibigay nya ang buong buhay nya at wala syang ititira para sa sarili nya :-). Mali yung tradisyon na kinalakihan at sinusunod nya…we have to learn to love ourselves first…we only live once 🙂

  6. I read this article again….lalo n ung excerpts from gretchen’s interview….ngayon lng ako humanga k gretchen…true npakahirap ng stand nya….mraming hndi nkkaintindi s knya…mraming galit s knya…pero she can bear all of it for as long as she get hold of her true love….sadly, pilipinas nlng kse ang natitirang bansa s mundo n walang divorce….I am pro divorce….but I believe in one great love…in true love…in forever…yes marriage is a lifetime commitment…but nobody can predict d future….every couple getting married promises forever….but they don’t really know what future lies ahead of them…..and when a marriage fail it doesn’t mean the couple didn’t tried their best….so bket p cla phihirapan ng society dba?…like s annullment…may mga certain grounds lng n kinoconsider para maannull….hndi pwede ung bsta nlng ayaw mo n…ayawan na ganun nlng….kaya cguro c tony boy hndi p nahihiwalay kse hndi p ginagrant ng korte dahil wala nman cgurong problema s knilang mag asawa….it’s just that they fall out of love,…which is not considered in anullment….hndi ko lng alam
    bket hndi knakasuhan ni denise yabut ng bigamy c tony?….

  7. i really love this post that I even let my colleague read it. Tingin ko kasi nakarelate sya about it.
    You’re right about the marriage that its LIFETIME COMMITMENT.

  8. I like d article so much…very smart & true…I’m sharing this to my friends….when I was young there have been a threat in my parenta marriage,…but they managed to work it out…I have been rebellious that time…I don’t want to have a broken family….but as I grew old…I became acquainted to alot of people….I’ve become friends with people who came from broken families…I have friends who have been annulled….single moms & mistresses….but instead of condemning them…I admire them for fighting for what they believe….for fighting for love….now my views about love and marriage broaden….I realized that love & marriage are not fairy tales who always have happy ending….it requires a whole lot of hardwork….there is no perfect love….because there is no perfect human…..and I now believe that love is best described in 1Corinthians 13

  9. Wow,…. i love it,
    Im married with 19yrs older than me .
    Everything has a reason that make life exciting and challenging.
    Nice one(^o^)/

  10. love your blog, simple lang pero very important reminder for each and everyone of us. I was once a wife, pero hiwalay na kami, i believed may kasalanan din ako kung bakit umalis ang asawa ko. Pero no regrets, kahit gaano ko kamahal ang asawa ko dati pero alam ko may mas mahal syang iba, so be it.

  11. My father divorced my mother just last year, una nagalit ako sa father ko bakit kailangan gawin nya yun. I have an older sister whos actually divorcing her husband too and she explained to me everything. Ang problema ng mag asawa ay di problema ng mga anak. I must admit I was so affected sa divorce, iyak ako ng iyak. I love my parents at masakit sa akin na makita silang maghiwalay. Walang third party, so happened na na fall out love na lang sila and they needed space.

  12. My parents were separated 5 years ago. I am 19 years old now. I only realized later na there marriage were arranged. They both tried to make the marriage worked but talagang pag di ukol, di bubukol. My parents told me that Im the best thing happened for both of them, now pareho na silang me pamilya and they are both happy with their respective love, as for me, di ako sakim na anak, as long as mahal ako ng parents ko..iba naman kasi yung problema nila, although how I wished na sana sila pa but then, I dont need my parents to be together kung lagi din naman silang nag-aaway..I would rather see them apart at parehong masaya.

  13. I totally agreed about that note!!not because I was into a same scenario ….it just that we have to face the reality that not because you were they so called “the legal wife’that does mean your the only one for life… marriage fails not because the husband getting into “de facto” but you have to look into the mirror and have to start to ask yourself also “why’….regressions and mistakes should realize from the beginning of the relationship but not because you suddenly found out “such kind of secret”…and murmuring to give you another chance as well as to prove yourself ,well in the mere fact that is quite a bit late now….. ask yourself which one is more painful he stays with you because you are the legal wife ,but the feeling of love and respect is no longer there….only because he’s already scared of what might gonna crazy thing that might happened again ….and don’t dare use your children just to hold onto the relationship because it wont work out… you just hurting yourself and your children…..he already done everything all his life for you and your family but neither of any of the chances of your relationship for both of you to grow and for the love grows fonder also……. can’t blame him why of how many time’s we separated ,he left me, but at the end he still choose to not to let me go and to stay with him….not realizing again what might happen again if your going to found out again…for he only know’s that he loves more than you….your the only person who believes that because your the “wife”he will choose you and love you more than I….but the truth is not any more….well sorry for you wi-fe!!!!!….as what they say”if you were to love two person ,you rather choose to love the second one because you will not love the second one more ,if you love the first one……ok …….

  14. I agree with what you have posted Ms.J, my mom and dad are not married dahil nga Dad has his first family , pero pinili ng Dad ko ang mom ko. Im already 21 and they are very happy with each other. Di ko man nakita silang nag away. Parang silang mag BF/GF til now. DAd always showers Mom with lots of love, consistent din ang Dad ko sa atensyon nya kay mommy. True love talaga uusbong yan at di pwedeng ipilit lang.
    Thanks Ms.J ipapabasa ko to sa parents ko.

  15. GREAT POINT Ms.J.

    I admire your sensibility and honesty about your family story. Only true love lasts at kahit kasal kapa, it is not a guarantee for a happy ending.. Dami kong natutunan sa blog mo. Thanks for sharinf

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