SO FINAL, SO STUPID

Let’s try to make a mental list of some of the things that most people usually do when they are badly hurt. Here are few suggestions that will get you started.
• Feeling clumsy
• Always regret
• Can’t sleep
• Crying
• Self pitying
• Remorseful

Wait. Before you throw your comments to me or before you say that you know what I’m writing all about, just give a try first to read it. So let’s back on track. Any of those you’ll agree Right? Most of them sound like it have been experience now-a-days, doesn’t it?

“It’s not easy to avoid the feeling specially when you can’t win against it no-matter-how hard you try.”
Well, I’m talking of those who are in pain. Unfortunately, this article will also tackle about the word “bleeding”. A word that describes the “hazard emotion” of human race.

Now, let’s move on and talk about it. I will share you a bit of my memoir and it will start here.

-So, this means break up and I must go? I asked slowly while hoping my question would go unanswered. That’s how it ends or maybe it begun. a feeling of freaking inside occurred..a numbing disbelief inside of me that it would really ended after expecting the answer would be “not as you think” or “not sound like that”! Questions started to linger in my mind asking how it could have ended. Why? Could I just easily would throw these 3 years of relationship? It’s just like, so rude for me to cut it off abruptly. But I need to. And it’s the season of my life that two of us shared the happiest, hardest and most challenging experienced I ever had for 3yrs.and I always thought that no matter what we encountered, we would remain to each other because of the long time we had shared. But one of my biggest mistakes at that time was I had ignored that fact that mostly, the majority of this kind of relationships do not last. One thing also is that I didn’t expect change would occur. I remember a famous line says: change is the only thing here on earth that is constant. Yes! The word “change; constant”. I never expect that, it would be our last month of our relationship and one of the hardest times I gone through.. it was like I’m engaged in a painstaking process trying hardly to understand the situation on how could it happened because I never wanted it to happened.
Time came that I almost arrived to a point when I’m about to kill myself. We know that the worst case scenario when long term relationships ends is mostly like this. I really never thought about killing myself… It’s just became a condition on that time that’s why I’m at the point of wanting to suicide. It’s really horrible!! It’s like you’re catching cold… This moment I felt I’m fine, next moment I’m terribly sick! That makes me go insane! Want to stop the pain inside that’s why I came to the point that I’m willing to do whatever it took just to stop the harsh feeling. After a year of moving on, I realized that what in the world I did? Why would a person like me wanted that something so final, so stupid? You might say, I’m crazy but that’s the fact about me.

I really don’t want to share this ugly experience to you guys. And I even cringe every time someone find out about it. But I did want to help somebody who is also in pain.. Because, I thought that by writing it and share it to others, might give them courage to move on. And we also know how important the word to “be there” for a friend.

After you read my story, I want you to realize that always be ready on life. Expect the unexpected. One thing also is don’t attach yourself too much to the things in your life because too much attachment when cut, it also give too much pain..That’s why when others can’t bear it and unfortunately, succeeds to commit suicide. well, surveys says: the fact is all human being who tries to commit suicide, when they are at the verge between life and death, they really don’t want to die but unfortunately, others who tried couldn’t make it. It’s sad coz they die. Just let the time heal whatever pain we bear… Give time yourself to heal its own. Time heals.. When the storm pass, you can laugh at it without any pain left inside… And another thing to remember is we can never be completely free from this kind of situation as long as we tread planet earth. :p funny right? But it is 100% true.

On arriving on this conclusion, it would be very smart if we could find an alternative for us to avoid losing our calm emotion, or coolness. and one of the secrets I have learned is the word ACCEPTANCE! Yes! Sounds simple but totally It isn’t… Because there were some things will keep reminding us about our pain. Now, what is the best here is we need to control our minds. It’s all in the mind. Controlling our mind on what is right. Emotion is nothing if we just know how to control our minds in times of trouble. so take control. Stop adding fire to your highly pressurize mind to lessen life’s complications. Exercise yourself to accept the things that you can’t change, and bravely face the reality. i just realized that even how miserable our life is.. We can still stand up straight firm and we still can be positive out from it.

Usually some of us when getting to the point that we are badly hurt and so desperate, we make a quick decisions whether it is wrong or right you don’t care anymore simply because our emotion is on its way and we allow it to manipulate us. i read this qoute but sorry i can’t remember who said this, “human can’t bear enough of reality.” Like in times of adversity, we’re pushing ourselves to sink into danger rather than pulling ourselves out from it. This time, the word selfish is very important. Be selfish and love yourself on this time.
Another thing to remember and it is very important. 1st, let God 1st manage on our day… NOT US. 2ND, God is always there even He is mute coz He prepares to listen our cries. And we should bear in mind that whatever we are going to do, it has consequence whether it is right or wrong. 3rd, be very careful on whatever we want to do because God maybe slow but he wouldn’t compromise the consequence..

Now, want to know how I moved on? Okay, for my rebound stage, I threw myself at different people and met new guys but I still don’t know exactly how to start again and how to change things through me alone. Then I started spending time with my friends. I go to the church every Saturday,. I read a lot to create reading habit and now as you see, I’m writing my memoir and making some articles. I got job anyways and joined some activities… on that long period of time, I did all I could to stay busy. Then I started to realize that slowly I began to have fun by myself. I laugh dozens of times every time I remember my past. It’s been a couple of months since that day I recovered and got myself back. I worked things out with some of my old friends and we are closer than ever. I learned earned much money and spent it all on myself without guilt.(no, I did felt guilt little bit. 😀 ) and now I’m starting to forgive myself then I aim high on my studies.. And join some contest. I just dig deep down to find courage to move on because I know I deserve to be happy. 🙂

Life is a journey, it can take us anywhere we choose to go, but make sure you’ll learning. (It’s a line from the song voice within anyway by Christina Aguilera.) And life is really painful and it is harsh sometimes… But I learned that everything here on earth change.. if pain go away, happiness will on its way. Well, pain would come back, so does the happiness! Right?

On arriving here on the last part of this article, what i want to emphasize is what matter most is that we know how to cope every situations, challenges, problems that we may encounter on our way.

I read a nice line from Charles Swindoll book says:
“WHEN THE OYSTER’S WOUND HEALED, THE PEARL IS MADE”

So, make sure the wound would heal.. Don’t cut it again and again because if you do so… You cannot see the pearl in you. 🙂

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