This is a funny thing to write , really. It’s quite not cute to write about your singleness, is it? But I think I have enough good reason to blog about this season I’m currently at. And I hope this speaks plenty to the many still singles around.
The past few months, I was filled with thoughts of getting married. How could I not? Most of my friends are getting engaged, getting married and getting pregnant. And dang, I’m in my late 20’s!
As compared to men, we can get frantically worried about building a family before hitting 30. As I can recall back when I was a little younger my age, I pictured and hoped to be married at the age of 28. Lo and behold, I am still single, and no, I don’t consider myself exclusively dating – just yet.
The past few months I was having these thoughts were the same months I was being given attention by men, one after another. From coffee invites to movie dates to just simple constant messaging on social media. I don’t, for the life of me, consider myself a drop dead gorgeous woman.
In fact, there are certain days I feel completely opposite. I don’t strike conversation ahead of them nor allow myself to do the first move no matter how attracted I may be to someone (the boldest thing I did was to add some men I admire on Facebook).
Despite my somewhat old fashioned belief, to my surprise, some find me interesting – at least-probably. And honestly, just like any relational human being , I was finding it cute and uplifting.
So why am I still single despite few others expressing their desire to want to get to know me?
I’d simply put it this way – which may be ambiguous but speaks affluent truth.
You see, I was no longer looking for a boy who’ll sweep me off my feet and make me giggle everytime. I was no longer looking for mere sweet-somethings; I was looking or should I say, waiting for a man who may not have it all together but has the backbone to have to try. I was looking for a commitment, a partner and a helpmeet. .I WANTED TO FEEL A CERTAIN CONNECTION. To date, I haven’t really felt it yet.
It’s not about having high standards really.
Men would always box us in as if we placed ourselves too high on a pedestal we seem unreachable.
Women’s standards are realistic and attainable. Some men just don’t have the balls to exert effort and see if they fit the bill. Much more, courage to endure if they don’t.
Connection. Why is connection important ? Tight Relationships are more likely to form and endure when couples share the same ideas, values, desires, principles and interests and oh, I don’t mean to say we have to be the exact DNA of each other, no.
We have to understand that a common ground has to be established. They say opposites attract but that didn’t prove to be always true . Even scientific studies prove its unlikelihood.
If I were an adventurous, outgoing , well rounded woman, what are the chances my relationship with someone who is a stay at home kind of person, introvert be of much success? I mean no offense to others whose relationship is a success despite being completely opposite because certainly, there are and there will, but I was talking about the likelihood. Percentage and numbers on quite a few studies proved to be true – that successful relationships are those that share similarity more than the differences.
Waiting is gaining.
Cliche as it may seem, singleness is a gift not everyone had a chance to enjoy. I cannot downplay this gift for this is where I found myself more productive, more purposeful, more knowledgeable, more independent and more mature.
This season is riping me up for harvest (next season). It’s quite funny that the books I’ve been raving to read are books about marriage when I am not even in a relationship and no way near to it because apparently, no one has levelled up , to say the least.
Nonetheless, it gives me so much wisdom I am sure to thank myself for having to know early on.
Marriage is no walk in the park and just as news about divorce and annulments arise left and right, we may be quick to question – if not get fearful about it. Surprisingly, even Hollywood superstars are no exception. The couples we were rooting for ended up seperating their own ways. You see, money, fame, status and beauty cannot make a relationship work. It’s an uphill journey one must be willing to endure. There’s no specific formula nor a book who could offer a perfect relationship advice, really. But given the ample time to prepare and learn about it seemed to be more beneficial than having none.
The waiting season has had smoothen my rough edges and more importantly, had me countless realizations on self discovery. There’s no greater joy than feeling happy on your own skin and being able to accomplish anything at your own pace and time. Sure, waiting is not as easy as cutting potatoes – it may be tedious, tiring and demotivating but having a positive perspective on its process makes a whole lot of difference.
What to do
Singlehood is the season for cultivating yourself, your relationship with others and your relationship with God among others. This is the perfect time to hone your skills, to build community and to know God more deeply in a personal level. For self discovery, go travel, dine alone, watch a movie alone, read more books, attend trainings, hone your talents, learn to cook, do the laundry, volunteer to outreach events and anything in between you could think of to become productive.
Build a strong relationship with the people around you specifically your family. Meet with friends, be present on family ocassions, organize gatherings, socialize, be present. And above all, in whatever you do, include the Lord heartily. Engage in church activities, read your bible, be consistentent with your devotions, join a ministry and share His love to others. There is no specific checklist really. How you make use of your time determines your priority. A productive, fulfilled and happy single life will most likely lead to a happy and fulfilled marriage too.
Who to choose
I’m no relationship guru and not trying to be one. I have had a fair share of relationship mishaps over the years. I saw the difference between a man who fears God and a man who doesn’t manifest a God in his life at all. It’s clear to me what kind of partner I’m looking for. Whether you are a man searching for the right fit or a woman waiting for the right one, pray for someone who loves God more than anything.
Sure, every person who marries is a sinner, so the search for a spouse isn’t a pursuit of perfection, but a mutually flawed pursuit of Jesus. If it scares him that I have a relationship with God, should it not scare me more to have someone in my life intimidated by what’s supposedly he should be looking for in a partner?
When push comes to shove, will he stick with me after finding out we were not as “compatible” as we once before? Or will he marvel at God’s love and live it out in light of our differences? We gotta discern well.
Yes, society may pin down on our throats the urgency to get married, but clearly, we should know better than them. Giving parts of our hearts to someone is a significant risk. We don’t really need to have our hearts broken, shattered and bruised to find what we’re looking for. Timing has been one of God’s little secret. Not too soon and not too late. I always remind myself of the verse from Habakkuk 2:3 “for the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.“
Yes, I may be single in my late twenties but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman. Im saving the best of me and not what’s left of me for my spouse 🙂