My dad got upset when I wouldn’t tell him how much my brother earned for this month. I told him it’s a secret. Although, I meant it as joke, I was never really comfortable disclosing things that aren’t mine especially money. It should be from the owner.
He got all flared and started saying nasty things about how disrespectful we have become. That he never interfered with our financial decisions and admitted that sometimes, he would ask us for help. But that doesn’t give us the right to disrespect him. That we shouldn’t provoke him, and that we wouldn’t like him when he gets mad.
Personally, I’ve seen these episodes quite frequently with my dad. I never intentionally wanted to make him feel disrespected but that is something that he has to understand. Those aren’t my affairs, the money isn’t mine. I am not even comfortable telling someone how much I earn because it is irrelevant.
This flair that I quite commonly see in my dad, made me see it as one of his fits. And that I should just ignore it, which made it worse because he got even more upset. He feels like I’m not listening.
Not that I don’t respect him, but I realize that I really don’t know him at all. Sure he would say something to me, I listen but don’t think about. I never really knew him growing up and I still don’t know him. Most of the things I see in him are his fits and his irrational, impulsive decisions which are more often annoying than wise.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my dad. Given I am way closer to my mom, but still. There are things that I didn’t like about him. There are some things that I wouldn’t ask from him.
For example – Finances, I see that he earns quite okay, decently. But he tends to spend it on unnecessary things – same with my mom and with me (I probably got it from them). My dad had some dues and bills for payment before he left for vacation yet, he still withdrew all of his money. Obviously, when he came back from holiday, he asked for some money to cover his expenses. I realize that if I were to ask for financial advice, I don’t think my parents are the best examples.
This happens all the time to OFW families. I consider myself one. I know I haven’t saved that much either, but I learned to at least leave some for the rainy days. Until now, my parents are working abroad so they can have money for their retirement.
I sure do hope parents realize that children see what their parents do. I am already an adult and there are still things to discover about my parent’s characteristics and behaviors. I find myself trapped into being their friend, confidant, financial adviser and daughter.
I mean no disrespect, dad. I love you but you have to understand there are things that a daughter or son leaves to themselves. I never disrespected you. If you feel that way, I’m sorry.
Maybe I got carried away and didn’t realize how he felt. But it just doesn’t feel like I disrespected him. Like I said, I don’t really know him. I don’t know when he’s going to throw a fit or when he’s okay. Most of the time, when I talk to him or when I see him talking to my mother, he’s always angry (could be just the tone). So how can we actually talk to him? How do we approach him when he wouldn’t think of what he says himself? Hope dads are enlightened.