One of the hardest things to do is to keep other people’s infidelity a secret– especially when it involves our closest friends.
It puts you in a position to either tell your friend the truth out of loyalty and sympathy, or suffer in silence because it is an extremely personal issue. Yet hoping your friend finds out about it soon enough so he/she, can take the necessary action, without you interfering.
The more you keep it to yourself, the more it makes you feel guilty, and you feel that you are also an accessory to the whole charade of fooling your friend.
When should you tell your friend about the truth, or rather – should you?
If you are dealing with a married couple, you should thread cautiously. Especially that you do not know the dynamics of their married life unlike a bf/gf relationship which is still breakable – not that you want them to break.
Nevertheless, a bf/gf is still in the stage of deciding if they want to take it to the next level so it would be easier to deal with them. I will personally not hesitate to tell in this case since there are no kids involve yet.
One the other hand a marriage bond is more permanent and the hurt is obviously deeper.
You have no idea how your friend will take this life changing news. You do not know if she can be violent destructive, or has some tendency to inflict pain on herself and others, especially that this problem threatens her family and its future.
The couple may be nice to you, but you do not know them inside their home; and how they deal with their problems. And you do not know what their other problems are that led to infidelity.
As a friend, we always think that we have a duty to our friends to be truthful at all times.
The reality is we can only do that to a certain extent.
First, if we are truly certain and we have positive evidence that our friend is being cheated on – the only thing we can do, is to drop some hints.
Do not volunteer the information.
For all you know, she may already have some idea but is just keeping it to herself to protect her family. Wait for her to open up to you. She will decide when she wants people to know; after all, it is her marriage.
Drop some hint if you think your friend has no idea, only when she is confiding to you.
Give some good advises, if she is sharing her marital troubles to you — but make sure to keep it neutral. Encourage her, and DO NOT be a cheerleader that turns someone to be a war freak wife.
Discovering that a friend’s spouse is cheating does not make you an expert on their relationship. You are not out there to crucify the cheater.
You can only ask questions like; “do you think he is cheating on you?” And when she answered yes – that is the only time you can tell her to investigate further so you she would know if her suspicion is baseless or not.”
That way she can face her problem as early as she can, and maybe still save her marriage.
It is always better not to be caught in the problem of others, especially if it is a marital problem. However, being a friend – and knowing that someone is straying in a big way puts us in a dilemma.
We must remember that discovering a partner’s infidelity is not the solution to her problem — it is only the beginning of her long journey to pain, denial, acceptance, recovery and hopefully reconciliation.
But, If they can’t find a happy ending, be there as a friend who supports, who listens and pray for your friends.