I go to the store (mall, shop, whatever). I pick-up the item I want. I take it to the cashier and I pay for it. As soon as the item is packed, I take it home.
I don’t hang around the shops or the stores after buying something, lest I find something that looks better and/or costs less than what I have thus, ruining the entire “shopping experience”.
Sometimes, I can’t help but notice another item that looks better than what I just bought.
If this happens, I don’t pay attention to it and I just ignore it.
After all, there would always be something that would seem to look better than what I have.
There’s no point in looking for the best because the best is, at best, relative.
I was once asked, “How do you know when you’ve finally found the one?”
The answer is you won’t.
“There were bells on a hill, but I never heard them ringing. Oh, I never heard them at all, till there was you…” is only a song.
It is NOT true.
You’ll never know when you’ve finally found the “one”.
The only true thing you can count on is what you’re feeling for the other person – so you better be sure you’re not just helplessly infatuated.
“If that’s the case then, how do you know when it’s already the right time to tie the knot?”
I usually answer this with what I have come to call, “The Vegetable Scenario”.
Ask yourself, what if right after marrying the person you love, he/she gets in an accident that leaves him/her paralyzed and a vegetable for life. Would you be willing to take care of him day after day after day forever?
That includes cleaning him up when he soils himself, bathing him, making sure he’s comfortable and everything – everyday – regardless whether your partner would do it for you had the situation been reversed.
But then, that’s what marriage is.
That’s precisely the reason why you promise to love each other “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part”.
If you can respond to this scenario with an honest “yes” with minimal hesitation, then, you’re ready.
Otherwise, you’re not.
It’s that simple.
“What if you did tie the knot, and then somewhere along the road you simply realized that you were not meant for each other and/or you met the person who’s truly meant for you?”
First of all, if you really believe in the myth of predestination (ie: believing in finding and meeting the “person meant for you”), then, there’s no doubt that you’ll meet the one “destined” for you and there’s no point in discussing this further.
The mere fact that you are entertaining the possibility of making a mistake in making the decision already, in itself, denies the truth of predestination (which, in case you hadn’t noticed, comes from the word destiny – an event or a course of events that will inevitably happen in the future. The operative word being “inevitable”)
If you insist and say you simply realized that you were not meant for each other, then you (or your partner) might not have responded to the “Vegetable Scenario” honestly.
This is where my shopping practice comes in.
Once you’ve bought what you want, that is – chose to tie the knot with someone, don’t linger on the store.
Go home and enjoy what you bought.
Always remember why you fell in love with her/him in the first place and relive it every day.
If you happen to “accidentally” see something that you think is better than the one you bought, ignore it.
The more you expose yourself to questions about the wisdom of your choice, the more confused you will be.
Most of the time, the things that we think make another thing (or someone else, for that matter) better than what we already have is just novelty.
You’re just being blinded, distracted and sidetracked by an imagined flaw of that which you already have.
Besides, if you go for the new one, what assurance do you have that this entire cycle won’t happen again?
And if it did, what will you do then?
Drop what you have and pick up what’s new?
How many times would you do it? Will you ever be content?
No matter what you do and no matter how careful you are, you really can’t have a contingency plan for everything.
You can’t prepare for everything.
You can’t have the perfect criteria for all your choices, be it a shopping item or the person you’ll spend your entire life with.
There’s always something or someone better than that which we already have.
I say it again, there’s no point in looking for the best because the best is, at best, relative.
The secret is to learn how to be content and to learn how to always go back to our original reasons for doing things.
Just be honest – most of all, to yourself and you’ll see what contentment is.
Why demand perfection when you’re not perfect yourself?
There will be times that your judgment will be tried, tested and put through the furnace, but never despair. As long as you’re honest with yourself and with everyone concerned, you have nothing to worry about.
After all, you wouldn’t want to be the object of the same confused thoughts, right?
Just give your best and expect nothing in return.
That’s not being “martyr-like”.
It’s called living your life the best way you could.