It dawned ON me today that there is really no way that one can command or control the daily circumstances of life.
We are all at the mercy of change and each individual’s preferences, opinions and decisions.
Everything is bound to change eventually. Nature, things, time, and people must all succumb to change.
One of the things that are beyond our control is the affection of other people towards us.
No riches in the world will guarantee love. Nor will stature, nor will great sacrifice.
You can give your all to someone you dearly love and would still be willing to give the nothing that is left, but still find that it’s not enough. You would still find yourself alone, useless and pointless.
It is as if that your beloved does not have an inkling of what you have willed to give and endure, even after giving your all.
If that is not painful enough, try hearing your beloved say to your face that, “you ought to find someone else so you can spare yourself all the hurt”.
Or “I don’t need you to take care of me; I can fend for myself just as well”
Or “You have no responsibility towards me, and I don’t have any responsibility towards you”
Or “I never asked nor demanded for your affection or care. So it’s not my fault if you are hurting”
This is outright rejection, selfishness, and arrogance. But sometimes guilt could be the reason or perhaps your beloved is not really being very honest with you or is just using you. Otherwise, your beloved must be a mental case because, these days it is difficult to find someone who will love and embrace your best and your worst and when you find a love like that it is ultimately hard to disregard it…unless you are just using that person or you are just playing around.
If you honestly love someone, you will not always be willing and ready to leave that person. For love never dies a natural death, it dies of betrayals and lies and deprivation. But no matter how much you have been betrayed, lied upon, and deprived there is no way that you can be out rightly always ready and willing to leave the person you truly love because genuine love is willful, it is a choice. I just don’t see the logic in readily giving up anything that you have wilfully chosen. A willful choice is an article of faith certitude that you will accept and embrace the good together with the bad. It is a conviction that you are ready to accept and endure even the unforeseen consequences that could arise from that willful choice. That you are ready and able to fight for it; that you would suffer for it; that you would hold on to it ever so dearly.
This is also the reason that the world has a scarcity of individuals who continue to love as though their hearts have never been broken. Most individuals who experience such rejection or deprivation or reckless abandonment tend to up build impenetrable walls to protect themselves from another episode of such wretchedness. Sad truth.
Our inclination to protect ourselves from hurt also prevents us from being truly happy. Our fear of pain and lost enslaves us.
We need to understand that to extract ourselves from a deep burrow we need to crawl or climb out of it. We must find the courage to attempt to get out of that hole, knowing that one false move would plunge us back to the bottom again. We can choose to risk failure in trying or choose to stay in the lonely entrapment of our servitude.
We need to acknowledge that if we seek to obtain genuine happiness and fulfillment in a relationship; we need to become willing victims. Accept the risk and take that jump, hoping that dearly beloved will catch you when you fall and not victimize you.
Yes, we can only hope.
If you try to love another person, you can only hope for that person to love you back. To say that you expect love in return is just so wrong. Not because you love someone, it does not mean or guarantee love in return from that someone. It is never our obligation or task to give love back. What is logically correct could be ethically wrong, vice versa. This complexity can drive you mad. My advice, just be kind and considerate. It lessens your chance of being logically or ethically incorrect.
Just do your thing. Don’t be afraid to be happy. Don’t be afraid to get broken either.
Hope. Don’t expect.
Endure. Don’t cower.
All your pain, agony, and failure are carving out spaces inside you.
Keep in mind that a person’s capacity for happiness is equal to that person’s capacity to suffer. Therefore, if you wish for great happiness, you must first endure great suffering.