Secret Messages


I met the love of my life when I was 13. He was my one great love. That was what I thought, until I met this guy. He wasn’t the nicest, or the best-looking kind of guy I have ever met. He wasn’t even close to being perfect. But he was something else, something a little more than that. He changed everything that my heart has ever known.

He was one of the administrators where I was working when we met. I was a new staff in the hospital, and a new alien in his country. I didn’t really care about most people that time since I was so missing home, family, and boyfriend. Yes, I was in a relationship where everyone thinks I’m dumb except me when I met him. And no, he was not the reason why I ended that relationship. It was just a relationship that never really had a foundation in the first place. And he just happened to be in the right place, and the right time. He didn’t really catch my attention instantly. I didn’t even care who he was, or what he was in the hospital, especially when he wasn’t really one of the people I could understand. Language barrier, it is. I remember the first time I saw him though. I was completing my requirements as a new staff, and I went to his office to submit the papers for my ID. He was silent and everyone else was talking a language that I don’t understand. He was faxing documents I think, when he turned around and saw me. I knew he saw something in me that moment, but I just really had to ignore it.  Hehe. I honestly was afraid, especially knowing that I’m in a different country, with a different language, culture, religion, and belief from what I have grown up with. The funny thing was, I was actually asking him to give me my ID but he ended up photo copying my residential permit. I just smiled. I wanted to laugh but I didn’t really want him to feel bad, so I just smiled.

That wasn’t the last encounter. He happened to be almost always on the same shift that I am on duty, and I would always find him taking glances of me. There would even be moments where I would catch him staring at me, and would make eye contact. Of course, since I was a very good girlfriend, I ignored that. I told myself that it shouldn’t really mean anything. It wasn’t long until my relationship ended and I was just recovering from it when he started trying to befriend me. I will never forget the first time he tried to talk to me. We had a drunken patient who ended up complaining me because his vein bulged when I was inserting IV cannula on him. I was returning a stethoscope in the trauma room, and when I entered the room, I was surprised to find him there alone. And so there was a really long eye contact but I managed to gain composure and look away to continue doing what I was supposed to do.  As I was about to leave the room, he walked towards me and stopped me at the door to ask who was the nurse involved with the patient’s complain. I proudly answered him it was me and I saw the shock on his face. He told me he would have to make a written complain since the patient is insisting, and I proudly answered that it’s not a problem because I did not do anything wrong. It was indeed very nice for a first conversation.

So to make the story short, we became friends. I would often find him smiling at me. Sometimes he’d even surprisingly show up behind me from nowhere to greet me. Just as I was starting to enjoy the flirting and all, he did something that changed everything. One day, out of the blue, he asked my friend to tell me that he knows I like him and that he’s just not interested in having a relationship with me, or anyone else, especially not with other nationalities. I was like, what the heck?! Who does he think he is? Mr. pogi?! So I decided to ignore him after that. For goodness’ sake, I wasn’t the one who came to him. I didn’t even care who or what he was before everything happened.  I did fine after that. It wasn’t anything to be saddened of, until I came back from my vacation. I was told he’s been looking for me when I was on vacation, and has been asking my roommate when I was coming back. I didn’t really believe them until he started coming in ER for consultations in my shift. He would come asking for treatments, sometimes even bringing some relatives for check up. I still ignored him though. He wasn’t going to fool me anymore, not this time. I kept my walls until he came back one time looking really sick. Everyone was busy handling each of their own patients, and I was intentionally ignoring him. I felt bad seeing him like that, so I decided to mind him. I felt him staring at me as I was putting on his IV cannula, but of course I wasn’t going to let my guard down anymore. All I know is it was so awkward having to hold his hand. After that, he did not stop getting my attention, and I did fall for it eventually. I began teaching him English, made him cakes occasionally, and so on. I cared for him. He became obviously happy, and everyone would see something in us that we definitely denied.

A few months later, I started receiving picture messages specifically love quotes from an anonymous mobile number. At first I thought it was one of those mobile network’s promo that I probably accidentally registered with. But then I received it more often, almost everyday, and in a strangely, exactly familiar thought. My load would not even be deducted. In fact even if I don’t have credits left, I would receive the messages. I couldn’t think of anyone else who could do this since he is the only guy who has my number and I knew he has a hard time composing in English, which added up to the clues because the messages sent were scribed in their language. I didn’t want to ask him about it because I didn’t want to assume and get tripped once more. I decided to just let it pass until I can gather some proof. I believe I was assured it was him when I told my room-mate to tell him that I miss him too the day after he sent me a message saying he missed me since we haven’t been seeing each other because I was in a training in the city for 3 days. I was told he was shocked, but still was able to confirm if I really said that. Those 3 nights I was away, he consistently sent me sweet messages and I found that really sweet so I thanked him by posting on Facebook and twitter. The next day, everyone could see a different smile on his face especially while looking on his mobile phone.

Up to now, I haven’t really confronted him about it, but his text messages, and my tweets seem to be the only mode of communication we have. We’ve even had petty quarrels and disagreements, but still were able to make up after. His messages have been the only way for him to express the love he tells he has for me and I hopelessly believe it. I know its silly to believe in something that has no assurance whatsoever. I sometimes even push him into telling me personally everything that he tells me in the messages. There would be some close encounters but I myself would unconsciously avoid it every time it comes. I’m not sure why, but I guess I’m scared of whatever he might say. I’m afraid that he might once again hurt me like he did once. One thing’s for sure though. It’s that I have fallen hopelessly and deeply in love with him.

I know we have so much differences, but I believe it’s our differences that made us fall. I’m not sure until when I can keep up with whatever it is that we have. I don’t even know exactly how things will work between us.  But I know that no one could ever make me cry like he does because no one has definitely made me smile like he does.  He’s the only person who’s ever written me letters, sweet quotes, and poems. I am usually the one who writes, but this time it’s different. I have never felt so loved and admired. And I am willing to face anything just so I could keep him. I know its crazy, but isn’t that what love is supposed to be? CRAZY. All I could do is wait for that time when we both get the courage to tell each other everything we’ve been trying to say, and tell the world we finally made it.

Enhanced by Zemanta

About Athena17

I'm a nurse, an animal rights advocate and a frustrated writer. Most of my articles are based on real life experiences.