A Real Man

I attended an orientation this morning about the medical benefits provided by the company. I, along with my gay teammate went to the boardroom and joined the others while waiting for the orientation to start. I looked around there’s just about 10-15 people inside the room, others from our department but most of them are from other department. My attention was diverted to the guy sitting across me, he was a bit talkative, his expressions are a bit exaggerated and his tone of voice is a bit on the feminine side. I know that he’s gay.

Orientation started, we were listening but I kept my attention on him. There’s something in him that seemed different that I can’t discern. I can hear him say side comment like “ECHOS” “GIRL” and “BAKLA”. I told myself that it is proven, he’s really gay. I directed my attention and started listening to the speaker. Then, he asked a question regarding his legal dependent. I heard him say “MY SON”. I thought I misheard it, but he clarified it he asked how he could add his youngest son as his dependent. I was shocked. It was the last word I expect to hear from him.
After an hour the orientation ended there was brief pause then my gay teammate asked him if he was joking about having a son. Apparently, I was not the only one who was disturbed by his statement. The guy answered yes. All of us were staring at him and he decided to break the silence and share a bit of his life.

He said that he WAS gay and spent his money with guys. He said that he was the typical happy-go-lucky gay. He had relationship with guys and didn’t deny that he had experiences with them. But an incident changed his life; He said that there was a time that he got drunk along with his friend. He did not know what he was doing. He said that he just woke up in bed with her. It may sound like a scene from a movie but it did happen and the girl got pregnant. He knew that it his responsibility to take care of the baby and the mother. He said that it was difficult to forget the things that he used to do but there is a bigger responsibility that he has to face. He and the girl lived together; He took full responsibility of the baby. While they were together, he said that he started liking the role of being a father and a husband. Whenever he sees his baby, he said that he realize the beauty of having a family. He did not regret what he did. He is proud that despite his physical appearance, he proved that he’s a man, a good father and a faithful partner. Now he has his wife and they have 3 beautiful kids.

I was so amazed with his story and I came to realize that a being man does not really show on physical appearance. A real man knows how to take responsibility no matter how great it is. He denies himself and lives for the people he truly cares about even if it means living a life that was never part of his plans.

3 Comments

  1. For me ……….whatever the gender you might be…………….lesbian or gay…………….the word “responsibility” conquers all……………you’ll be love by the people around you……especially your own family……… 😉

  2. Hi Karl! I do appreciate the effort and the gem of your realization. I do hope that a lot of people will have such an eye-opening experience. Let me just add something to what you emphasized and hopefully enrich some of the points you made.

    One, whatever your sexual preference is, you can be a good parent in so far as dedicating a part of your life to nurturing another human being in the best way that you can. Everyone, regardless of gender identity, can give time, resources, emotional energy, commitment etc not only to his or her son or daughter but also to siblings, parents etc. That being said, it is normal in the Philippines to see gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people to be unconditionally loving towards family. The question is: are families loving their LGBT members as unconditionally? Or do we love gay people only if they are single or professionally/financially capable of supporting the whole family?

    Two, while the gay character in the story seemingly gave-up his relations with other men we have to understand that sacrifice comes in many forms. He could have been worthy of our praise as well if he still continued to be romantically engaged with someone of the same sex while being a responsible father.

    However, given that he preferred to be romantically and sexually committed to a woman deserves as much respect. What I am trying to emphasize is that as far as being a responsible parent is concerned, demonstrating love is the key, whatever the gender of your loved one is. This powerful testimony of a 19-year old son of two lesbians hits home:

    “But in my 19 years not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple. And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character.” — Zach Whals, Iowa. Here’s the video: http://youtu.be/FSQQK2Vuf9Q

    Third, in this day and age, the homosexual lifestyle is as diverse as the heterosexuals. Not all gays spend their money on other men. And not all of being gay is about having sex 24/7. Like any human beings gay people date and try to find love. And like anybody, we succeed sometimes, we fail sometimes. Let’s reject the double standard. We praise “straight” men for their sexual conquests and frown on gay men or women who are as sexually active too.

    Lastly, I agree with the conclusion. A “real” man is not the macho stereotype we’ve come to worship. Lots of machos have been terrible fathers or husbands. Don’t we all know that? But I also would like to say that we are also blessed with loving heterosexual fathers who struggle and try their best to understand, respect and come to terms with the sexuality of their sons and daughters.

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