Ready For a “New Heart”

This morning, I did the usual routine of checking my email, horoscope (oo, horoscope talaga! hahaha!) and the blogs I follow before focusing on my work. I came upon Patty Laurel’s post-Valentine entry “A Love Letter for Singles”. Being “single” for quite some time now, title pa lang tumagos na sa pagkatao ko (hahaha!). The entry is about how Patty went through singlehood after being in a long-term relationship and found love again in Patrick Filart (her groom-to-be). Patty is known for her positive outlook in life and it clearly shows in her blog posts. Kaya nga siya ang peg ko for 2012.

I want to be happy this year. Na-realize ko na tapos na ko sa pagiging miserable. Naka-get over na ko sa day and night na pag-crayola, sa pagse-self pity, sa pag-iisip ng what ifs, at sa pagde-daydream na one day magiging maayos uli ang lahat between the two of us. I finally accepted that it’s really over, no more looking back. Ok na ako. Ok kami. And I’m thankful that our friendship went beyond the broken relationship. I may have lost “the love of my life” but I gained a true friend. Someone who will be there when I need him and will have my back anytime.

Now, I’m ready to start again. Hindi naman sa excited akong magka-jowa dahil sa totoo lang shokot pa ko. As in may trauma factor pa ko sa mga naganap last year. But I’m ready to mingle (mingle lang ok?). Meet new people kumbaga. I want to have fun. Gusto kong gumala galore, mag-explore at i-achieve yung mga bagay na gusto kong gawin, mag-soul searching at i-improve ang sarili ko in all aspects. Para pag dumating na yung ini-reserve ni God para sa akin, ok na ko. Buo na uli ako. Now is the perfect time to re-assess myself, my life.

Ano ba talaga yung gusto ko at this point? Gusto ko yung susunod kong mamahalin, yun na talaga. As in this-is-really-is-it-final-answer-na! Kasi ayoko ng mag-aksaya ng panahon at mag-invest ng feelings sa isang tao na mawawala din naman eventually. Eh ako pa naman pag na-inlavey wagas. Ayoko namang magkaroon ng boylet just for the sake of having one. At mas lalong ayoko namang mag-settle sa “pwede na” at sa “ok lang”. I want to be with someone who’s mature (emotionally/mentally mature, hindi thundercat level ha! hahaha). HONEST, yung may direction ang buhay, may sense of humor, yung hindi magsasawang mahalin/alagaan ako at kayang tiisin ang mga topak/drama ko sa buhay. Someone who will love me, accept me and stay with me flaws and all. Choosy na kung choosy kesa naman brokenhearted girl na naman ang ganap ko di ba?

After reading Patty’s post, naiyak naman ako ng slight. Nakaka-touch at nakaka-inspire yung kwento niya. Totoo yata talaga na there’s someone out there who is destined to be with each of us. Ipina-reserve na ni God para siguradong walang mauubusan. Shipping na lang ang hinihintay..hahaha! Kaya hindi ako nagmamadali. Kahit kailan pa yan. Kahit gaano pa katagal. Kahit na sino pa yun, kakilala ko na ngayon o makikilala ko pa lang, keri na dahil alam kong siya na talaga yung bet ni God for me. If it’s meant to be, it will be in God’s time. Dasal lang ang katapat nyan.

Here’s a beautiful quote from Patty’s blog: “If your heart has been broken into a million pieces, God won’t just piece it back together..HE will actually reward you with a brand new heart!”

I’m ready for a new heart. 🙂

Photo credit: mendyourbrokenheart.com

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