Private Pain

90 I stare at the darkness of the night. The cool wind silently whispers, intensifying the budding gloomy sentiment inside me. I look beyond, and I see uncertainties. I have doubts of me going beyond this point where I am now. All is bleak, not even a flicker of hope is in sight. I feel devastated; defeated at the moment. I have been fighting battles I knew I could never win. I have been hanging on to a thin thread of sanity, connecting me to something real I cannot even recognize. Wounds are still fresh and I cannot almost bear the throbbing. They always hurt to the point of numbness.

I would have wished to move back. To let darkness behind me consume my everything; to be swallowed by pain and frustration; to just give up believing to the idea of a tiny-flicker-of-hope which I cannot see, because it’s in a few steps more beyond the curve on the road. But, yes, I can still feel hope every time I hear my heart beating like little drums cheering rhythmitically making sounds — that is deafening when I commune with silence.

I would have wished to move back. To go in a secluded world where wishes do come true; where dreams are reality; where tears are for laughter. I would go where sorrows cannot, where pains are left behind – where the wind whispers happiness.

I would have wished to move back and smile at how life is blessing me. To show not a bit of pain in my laughter; to speak of goodness like not a single bad thing is done on me; to be truthful like I’ve never been lied to in my life; to share ‘till the last drop like I have every wealth on earth.
I would wish to move back, not to give up, but to rest a bit. Not to show how weak I am, but to confirm that I am human and I get tired, too. Not to be selfish, but to love the only person not giving up on me… me, myself and I.

I wish to move back to lessen the pain; to find my strength; to let tears fall; to cleanse my soul.

About ignorantia legis

"I am young and my spirit is free. And like any young spirit, I want to touch beauty. I feel that if I am to fulfill myself, I must seek beauty. I must pursue truth. I must find God." i am a traveler on this earth who seeks new horizons to explore. i love to be with nature and experience its elegance as it reveals itself in an extraordinary way. i am an artist in my own simple way who searches beauty in every experience i encounter; who loves to be loved and cared for unconditionally."