I stare at the darkness of the night. The cool wind silently whispers, intensifying the budding gloomy sentiment inside me. I look beyond, and I see uncertainties. I have doubts of me going beyond this point where I am now. All is bleak, not even a flicker of hope is in sight. I feel devastated; defeated at the moment. I have been fighting battles I knew I could never win. I have been hanging on to a thin thread of sanity, connecting me to something real I cannot even recognize. Wounds are still fresh and I cannot almost bear the throbbing. They always hurt to the point of numbness.
I would have wished to move back. To let darkness behind me consume my everything; to be swallowed by pain and frustration; to just give up believing to the idea of a tiny-flicker-of-hope which I cannot see, because it’s in a few steps more beyond the curve on the road. But, yes, I can still feel hope every time I hear my heart beating like little drums cheering rhythmitically making sounds — that is deafening when I commune with silence.
I would have wished to move back. To go in a secluded world where wishes do come true; where dreams are reality; where tears are for laughter. I would go where sorrows cannot, where pains are left behind – where the wind whispers happiness.
I would have wished to move back and smile at how life is blessing me. To show not a bit of pain in my laughter; to speak of goodness like not a single bad thing is done on me; to be truthful like I’ve never been lied to in my life; to share ‘till the last drop like I have every wealth on earth.
I would wish to move back, not to give up, but to rest a bit. Not to show how weak I am, but to confirm that I am human and I get tired, too. Not to be selfish, but to love the only person not giving up on me… me, myself and I.
I wish to move back to lessen the pain; to find my strength; to let tears fall; to cleanse my soul.
- Bahagi ng Isang Alaala - November 7, 2015
- My Moment - November 7, 2015
- Blurred - July 24, 2015
- NOT NOW…NOT AGAIN - June 23, 2015
- Duyan - May 13, 2014
- Let me - February 5, 2014
- To the “One” - December 13, 2013
- Not My Lucid Interval - November 13, 2013
- For Now - July 31, 2013
- Girl in the Mirror - July 15, 2013