Praying For My Perhaps…

I made my move when I started praying for you.

And it’s been quite a while now. I count the days, months until I lost track of when it started. I longed for the days, I dreaded for months. I even reached the saturation point I wanted to tell you everything but waited until it died down. I did nothing, yet I screwed up with everything. There goes my hope. There goes my prayer. Has it undoubtedly been answered? The opposite of favor is creeping in. With no as a retort, I was told by a friend. 

I tried to walk away, though each receding step is piercing my heart.

Unrequited feeling is so hard really. Maybe I was just wrong to let it blossom into something I thought was beautiful. I stayed as a friend thinking that it is the best foundation a romantic relationship can build. But sometimes it was awfully not. The way you treat me compared to everyone has always been the same just like that and such. Fondness and warmth were equally poured out to everybody I’m no extraordinary nor special as much. You’re so caring and tender, I even told you about it, but I forgot you have always been like that to your friends..to all of us.

lonely woman photo
Photo by SnapwireSnaps (Pixabay)

I can worry about you, but it is not my place to choose. I can see the walls you built I wanted to tear it down to bits. The walls were very visible I wanted to break it. I’m praying for you to be happy even if that happiness does not include me and it does not actually include me I guess. But the idea of ‘what if’ binds and fetters me into an obscuring hope that favored chances will be accorded upon me. What if, you do feel the same way for me as I do for you? What if you’re praying for my happiness too? What if it is me whom you take of value?

The arguments keep on reeling. The possibility of positive response lingers as an everyday thought. The hope for a returned affection is a morning prayer and a continuous ponder until night time falls. I asked for a sign. I posed two, either of them will do. There were times I’m on the verge of giving up, decided to cease making an effort, I resigned myself to failure, but then I think of the positioned signs that aren’t there yet. The answer isn’t yielded even, is it?

I wanted to bargain everything for an optimistic upshots. What if I do that? What if I follow this? Will the repercussions be in their good turn? Truly at this season I should learn how to trust. If I would only knew what is coming after the given distress and trials, then perhaps I won’t even consider bargaining. 

Photo by LoveToTakePhotos (Pixabay)

Perhaps Someone up there has His plans far better than mine. For all one knows, it could be, it may be, it is even possible. It is on my continuous perhaps, I am clinging to and with my incessant prayers I will be firm too. The signs aren’t there yet..the answer is not even yielded, and so until then..just until then, I will wait..Seeing you and by mere of hearing your name still makes my heart flutter after all..There must be hope..Perhaps..

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