Nonsense News XIV: The SONA (State Of ‘Noy Aquino)

aquinoOpportunist Vice-President Binay who can not wait for my term to end, my steamed Justices of the Supreme Court, you of superior legal minds yet without a heart nor compassion plus your doble cara of Unconstitutionality, Senate President Drillon, Speaker Belmonte and your cabal of DAP and PDAF gluttons and insatiable greed, my yellowed Cabinet, friends and supporters also known as my KKKs whose only saving grace is kissing my behind, your excellencies of the Diplomatic Corps whose expertise ranges from economic spying, rumor mongering and raising your wine glasses ad infinitum, my tragic countrymen who never learn, who keep voting the same scumbags and plunderers for a few hundred pesos and yet expect honest governance and good intentions even if such will lead to hell and last but not least, my sister Kris Aquino who may not be President someday but would surely bed one.

I stand before you from a remote village in the hinterlands of Mindanao. I am here because I am not there. I am tired of being labeled incompetent, nincompoop, video game addict, indolent, inept and most of all, president. In my past SONAs, I went with whatever the speech writer prepared for me. Now I want to be honest and speak from my heart. The heart that has been empty and a scourge of young women for most of my life. But enough about me. I must reserve some of these thoughts and feelings for my psychiatrist.

Our country is divided among different persuasions, personalities, politicians, religion, economy, regions, weather, dialect, skin pigmentation and degree of education. Not only is our country divided, our government is divided. There is the narcissist me and the executive, the good for nothing Congress and Senate and the high fallutin, holier than thou Justices of the Supreme Court. They declared my DAP unconstitutional but they have been such cross-border transferers even before I did those criminal acts. Is this what “justicing” is all about? My critics, those who are not wearing yellow, have equated my name, “noynoying” to sleeping in the “pansitan”. Now I am labeling “justicing” to pro rated constitutionality, one for the President, one for the black robes. See my brilliance in getting even?

And I do not even have to get even. Whether DAP is constitutional or not, any attempt to impeach me will not prosper. I have the numbers in Congress and the senate. I will use my presidential pork to whip those bad boys to submission. Who of those peso addicts can turn down millions? Money to them is everything.

More than my overwhelming numbers in Congress and the Senate, I have my yellow army. The fanatic, non-thinking believers who voted for me, compaigned for me, trusted me with their eyes closed( who in their right minds will do that?) and handed me the Presidency of the Republic just because my mother died. They did not consider my zero record as a legislator. They did not consider my unpreparedness nor my lack of interest in anything except video games. And that kind of thinking remains to this day in spite of my fumblings, my failures, my shortcomings. This army of mine has no buyers remorse. They will stand by me until the end because giving up now will mean they were duped and they will never accept such. And that is very good for me.

With my yellow army is the Armed Forces of the Philippines whose Chief of Staff, my personal pick, went around camps to make sure they will defend me and my DAP. It was such a peace of mind knowing there will be no Enrile and Ramos wannabes. I have learn a lot from Marcos’ and Estrada’s fall. Most, I have learned from Gloria. That little woman is a piece of work. She knew how to handle her men.

So, I stand before you with really nothing new to report and of course, if we ask our manipulated and paid media, no news is good news. The problems before I assumed the presidency still exist. MNLF, NPA, the Marcoses, women, the church. New ones have cropped up like the Supreme Court, Napoles, Enrile, Revilla, Estrada. You know, the 4 horsemen of PDAFocalypse. It makes me laugh sometimes how these criminals became sick and seek refuge in hospitals once incarcerated yet were so strong and healthy while pillaging the people’s money in billions! Hayupaks!

Economy is in the upswing so the reports say. Still, even if the GDP is galloping in record numbers, the economy’s upswing has not trickled down to the more than 40% of Filipinos who live below the poverty level. And this can be traced to the ruling class, the generations entrenched hacienderos and landowners(my family included), the exploiting big corporations, the endless red tape associated in giving enterprising Filipinos a chance and the unkillable evil politicians. The playing field remains skewed to favor those with money, influence and power. As in everything else in this benighted land, your surname, who you are and whom you know spell doom or success. Just take me as an example. I am your President because I am an Aquino. Need I say more?

Manuel Luis Quezon, he of Spanish pedigree yet of American patronage once wished for a Philippine government. He said, one run like hell by Filipinos is still better than one run like heaven by Americans. Well, I deliver to you what Quezon wished. Do not blame me. Blame him. All the snafus in my governance are because of either Roxas or Abad. And Boy Abunda. Not to mention all the senators, all congressmen, all the Supreme Court justices, all the governors, all the mayors, all the barangay captains and each and every Filipino who believes their duty as citizens begins and ends with the ballot. Citizenship is making sure the government works, that the public servants adhere to their oath of office, that neighborhoods are clean and free of crime, that natural resources are treasured and kept, that children who are the country’s future are taken cared of. This country belongs to each Filipino. Let us show some pride and a lot of responsibility in ownership.

I have two more years as President and I just can not wait. My video games are gathering dust, my love life is gathering dust, my gonads are gathering dust. Next year, I must do this again and what can I tell you that you do not really know yet? How about you surprise me and you do the SONA?

About danmeljim

Born in Binmaley, Pangasinan. Grew up in Galas, Quezon City. A graduate of PMA Class of 1977, married to the only woman he has ever loved who bore him 2 daughters and a son. All wonderful human beings. These thoughts reflect the search that one day will end. And that the greatest failure is the one never attempted. Life and other non-essentials as viewed from afar yet always with an open mind.