It was past one in the afternoon when I was browsing through his laptop and out of nowhere I suddenly stopped and saw some old messages from his past. I was curious, I know this is not right, but I read it all. Then I realized how much he loved her. I am not jealous, I don’t have any reason to be angry either. They were lovers that time anyway. I was just amazed on how his love for her conquered almost everything. But most of all, this letter catches my heart, teary-eyed I read every word and I felt him, his love for this girl, a girl he knew before he knew me.
(Ex gf’s name),
Alam mo hirap na hirap na ko. ‘Di ko pala talaga kaya na mawala ka. ‘Di ko kaya nang mag isa, ‘di ko alam kung pano ako magiging maayos kung laging ikaw nasa isip ko. Di ako naging selfish inisip ko lang kapakanan mo. Eto sigurado na to kung dati na nag bigti ako naputol ung belt ngayon hindi. Alam kong di ka iiyak, kung mawawala man ako, dahil galit na galit ka sakin. Ung cup ha Alagaan mo, sana maging masaya ka sa napili mo. Sana ok ka lagi, alagaan mo si arkeen ng mabuti, si mama mo at ate mo wag mo bigyan ng sakit ng ulo, alagaan mo sarili mo. Yan ang hiling ko sayo. Di ko alam kung san ako nagkulang un ang masakit sakin. Sarili mo lang naman iniisip ko, para sa ikabubuti mo. Sana hindi naging huli ang lahat nung time na mga huling araw nating magkasama, tila ayaw mo na talaga. Alam mo masakit sa kin un. Ginagawa ko para ma survive ko buong araw. Tapos iniisip ko ung kinabukasan na di ko alam kung mawawala ka na pag gising ko. Ngayon mawawala na ko, ingat ka ha. Tandaan mo mahal na mahal kita, kahit ano pa sabihin nila, kahit ano pang gawin mong bugbog sa kin, kahit ilang suntok at sakal ang gawin mo sakin, mahal na mahal kita higit pa sa inaakala mo. Sorry sa lahat lahat. Paalam.
This is not a suicide note (because he’s still alive and thank God he did not commit it, anyway). Maybe he was just so depressed about what happened to them, to their supposedly perfect relationship. I am not all knowing, I don’t know their full story, I cannot judge the girl either, but what I was thankful for is that, after this heartbreaking letter, he managed to survive the heartbreak, he cried, he felt alone, but after that he rose again and found me along the way.
I love this man, I know we’ll have another story, another challenges and another set of misunderstandings and petty quarrels, but I hope one day he won’t write a letter like this to me, because I want him to be my everything, my forever and my happily ever after .