Memoirs on a Swivel Chair…

father-300x236I used to be just playing on a swivel chair in your office while you were busy doing some paper works. You just let me be me. I would also just be contented in my own world with the pen and paper you provided me. Most of the time, you just bring me with you and if there would be lot of people and you were busy, I would just behave as you said I would. Then I would get a prize after.

It was not really on that profession where I could remember you doing first. I could remember watching from a distance as you treat your patient. I would see in a part of the house, your laboratory, where there were teeth and some paste and sort of other things orderly placed in a cabinet. Then I would see needles, something like pliers, then blood…and you’re done. [but this experience did not do anything good to me emotionally, because I started to have fear on needles, and the thought of going to a dentist]. Weird, right? You are a Dentist, yet I was afraid before of going to a dentist… but of course to other dentists. You were still using the old school dentists’ chair and gadgets, which were still there being kept up to these years.

You shifted profession and had chosen to work in an office which I had known you most. But older people knew you well as “the dentist”, and would still call you Doc when they see you around. Even if you were working full time in an office, there were still patients coming at home seeking for dental advise and would ask you to treat them. But then, you would politely tell them you are not doing it anymore. That was how you were really known, that when I would introduce myself to older people, they would tell…”ah balasang na ka ni doc” [you’re the daughter of doc].

My childhood memories with you, the part where I was just there on a swivel chair, flashed like a movie scene when I already graduated from law school. I went to law school without any direction or the so called purpose why I was there. I could not find any thought of connection why my feet led me before to take the entrance test and enroll after I passed it. I told you that I’ll be going to law school only after I enrolled, and I saw some sparks from your eyes. And going back to the swivel chair, I realized then that it was the “judge’s chair” near a table with the gavel. Even at an early age, I was already exposed in a court setting. Maybe for others it’s just nothing and would ask, “anong konek?”. But for me, with those memories, I found meaning and connection to what and why I have these hidden dreams within me.

You are not a lawyer, you were a dentist. But you had worked in a court for long years and probably had known more about court proceedings than a lawyer does. To be in a law school also meant to have a connection with you. That when I go home, I would ask questions, and we discuss. I would know how things are in the real court that I would better understand the complexities of Philippine laws, specially the court proceedings.
The dream in my heart to become a lawyer is still flaming with fire. I owe to you and to Mama and to every loving person who always believed in me. But then I feel sad because you could not anymore personally witness me becoming a lawyer.

You are my father and I am your daughter. I may not be a perfect daughter for you but I am so proud to have you as my dad. I had witnessed you struggle yet you did not show any sign of weakness. Until your last few days, you were still imposing the authority of a father to us. You did not falter, you did not give up. But then, it was not my will, not even your will that you be gone so soon. I was as strong as you are, but cried silently as you do in your room since Mama left.

Thanks, Daddy, for being a friend, a mentor and a father to me. I will always be your “little one”. From down here, I blow a thousand kisses for you and mama. And I know you would hear the whispers from my heart, I miss you both so much and I love you more than you ever knew.

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