Three nights ago, I invited my boyfriend Gautier for a dinner at my aunt’s house. There he met my aunt whom I consider my second mum, my lass cousin Rosey and one of my best friend’s Devie. We did have a great time discussing lite to heavy subjects about our country’s differences and his keen interest with the Filipino people, politics so as our  local weather. After a bottle of wine he bought for aunt, we had couple of beers while gazing at the starless sky. Such was a wonderful night to remember.
The day after, I began receiving  ridiculous pushes and criticisms about tying the knot with apparently him. People from my household, my relatives, and even few neighbors find me mad for not considerating this act at my age. Im 28 although I look younger and is always being mistaken for such; like in bars where a giant bouncer would ban me from getting inside or should he demand for an id. Dumb. No joke, this always happen to me. I don’t know if it’s flattering or insulting anyhow.
So there it is, I am writing about this subject to breathe out the reasons a woman like me has for choosing to be single rather than taking the vow. A heavy thing that might later bounce back or get rerouted to the way of divorce or separation. I had seen, heard and even experience the fatal blow of broken commitment of marriage as a dear friend who would listen and attend to a dear friends’ dark bleeding days; my aunts’ and even from my own life as an offspring of this whole thing.
I am a woman with a masculine side yes, but I will always be a woman. What surprises me a lot is this sort of proneness to date emotional men and I tend to get used to it. When I honestly learned to like it, and there are women like me out there I think! We’re all different in our own ways!  So why the heck?
I wanna be understood where I’m or shall I say “we’re”really coming from on this matter. I understand why the tradition in the Philippines is still intact and its a good thing I would say, but the younger generations of today and the coming are gonna be less conservative and more open minded! I like the tradition of men having power over women but nonetheless there are only few men who can  really make their women submit fully to them not by the means of marriage, paper or the the vow through a church but by merely the point of meeting intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
Friedrich Nietzche once remarked: “Woman was God’s second mistake.” Mary Crowley thinks otherwise though. God made man first. Then, He stepped back, looked him over and said, “I can do better than that.” And so He made woman.  Very interesting indeed! I get bored with nonsense and egoistic approach of men. Devastated old touch type of thinking kills me to death. I like openness and invitations for a  more beautiful, relaxed, and in depth conversations rather than the toxic macho type approach.
Well.. whatever! Let’s not fight about this thoughts.. Sexes have their uniqueness and we simply need to understand, value and respect that.  This should be the foundation of a good, growing and lifetime partnership.  More of a mutualism type of relationship. Living and not enduring it. Marriage is not just a concept of fallin in love and a happy ever after. Its a lifetime commitment to one another. And people who get married early in their lives; for the purpose of pleasing the family and society whom have cultured them; or by following the trend; or by thinking life after schooling and acquiring a good job is about mating and producing children. Nope! A big no no to them! Marriage can even say no to children, but of course out of love you would feel to create a nest of tiny angels around. Then nurturing them; which is another suject. And so on..
Marriage is a big word. It’s not an experimental thing to discover or explore. Its sacred. Don’t be married if you only plan to get divorced, or if you are tempted or is planning to eventually cheat with your partner; or if you’re planning to change the identity of your partner; or worst if you’re only after the other’s name or wealth. Marriage is like beauty, it’s skin deep.
There are marriages without love and love without marriage. I don’t think you need to be married to say that you want to live together, I mean your intentions for a lifetime commitment can be said and done in other ways, you just have to be creative and innovative. To me, it’s a day to day things than the big day. And there is actually heap of ways to prove, but truly it depends on the concerned individual’s choice. And as for me, as a person of faith I’d rather obey this convenient rule because it would appease me in the end. And It’s my choice. Everyone has a choice, and everyone is entitled for their freewill.
Marriage has lost its symbolic value to these days; but we can change this. Marriage is not the only way to prove you love someone, preparation is! And this is what I’m up to now.. not only for the sake of getting married but for the art of living life in its totality. First, I want to know my whole being; I want to become a full individual, well prepared, well informed and well read. I want to concentrate on my career and businesess, travel and meet different people and culture, make the most of my life as it is so that I can welcome this thing when it arrives at the right time and with the right soul. And while its on its way, I’ll make the most of my relationships with friends and family and even my plants and pets.
I’m very glad to have the freedom to make choices and not sacrifices.


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  12. Ako po ay sang-ayon sa kuru-kuro ng may akda na hindi po kailangang magpakasal ang isang tao para mapahayag na tunay ang pag-ibig o pagsasamahan ng mga magkasintahan… subalit…

    Totoo din po na ang ating mga matatanda ay madalas na mangulit sa mga binibini na nalalapit na sa edad ng tatlumpung taon na kailangan na tayong lumagay sa tahimik bago mahuli and lahat.
    Ito po ay marahil sa kanilang panghihinayang na baka malipasan ng panahon at mawala na ang pagkakataon na magkaroon pa tayo ng anak. Ito po ay dahil sa kahalagahan na ibinibigay ng mga nakakagulang sa pamilya, sapagkat itong kabuluhan ay nakatanim na sa ating tradisyong Filipino.
    Matagal ng umiiral sa ating paniniwala na ang babae ay hindi kumpleto kong hindi siya may sariling pamilya. Hindi sapat na siya ay edukada, may sariling negosyo, ari-arian at mamumuhay ng sarili. Gayunman, ang palagay na ito ay hindi limitado sa ating mga kababaihan; ito ay masasabi din para sa mga kalalakihan. Ang ika nga nila, ang lahat ng tao ay makakaramdam na may kulang sa buhay kung walang asawa at anak. Ang paghihirap na pinagtiisan, ang mga dinanas para matapos ang pag-aaral at pagsisikap sa trabaho ay halos walang kahulugan kung ikaw ay nag-iisa.
    Itong bagay na ito ay masaklap na madinig, lalo na kung manggagaling sa ating magulang, kamag-anak at mga kakilala.
    Ang opiniyon na kailangan ng isang tao na gumawa ng sariling pamilya ay hindi tanging nagsimula sa ating mga nakakatanda; ito ay pinaniniwalaan din ng mga nakakaraming tao sa ibang bansa.
    Ang paniniwalang ito ay malamang na galing sa ating katuringan ng totoong kaligayan sa buhay. Anu-anong mga bagay sa ating talambuhay ang nagbigigay sigla sa atin? Ang pagtatagumpay ba ng isang tao ay katumpas ng ligaya?

    Ang isang maunlad na babae na nagsumikap na marating ang kanyang mga pangarap at nagwagi sa huli ay masasabihan din ng ating mga nakatatanda na may pagkukulang sa buhay. Siya ba ay masaya at kontento? O meron pa rin siyang pagkakailangan?

    Ang modernong kultura ay puno ng pagbabago, subalit itong opiniyon na ito ay malamang na magtatagal.


    Kung hindi po nakakaabala, isa pong komentaryo lamang sa ating may-akda ng lathalang ito (to mrose, the writer of this article):
    sana po sa susunod ninyong pagsusulat ay pagnilay-nilayin ninyo po ang paggamit ng sariling wika para mas madaling mapaliwanagan ang inyong ibig sabihin sa ating mga Pilipinong nakakabasa at para na rin po sa konsiderasyon sa mga taong talagang nakakaunawa ng Ingles.
    Maganda po talaga ang inyong article at kayo po ay maraming kawili-wiling opiniyon, subalit ito po ay hindi masyadong maintidihan dahil po sa kung paano ninyo ginamit ang mga salita at pangungusap na Ingles (o madalas ang kakulangan ng kumpletong pangungusap sa Ingles).
    Marami pong salamat sa pagbabahagi ng inyong kuru-kuro sa amin.



      • Pasensya na po sa wrong grammar. I wasn’t actually expecting this would be published. Pero salamat po. 🙂

        • okay lang yan girl! ang mga humble at tumatanggap ng pagkakamali ang mga nagiging winners in the end! at pag na-meet na naten yung talagang nakalaan para sa atin at well-prepared na tayo as you stated, yun na ang Marriage. Preparation at tamang rason. 🙂

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