Author’s Note: The people and characters in this story exist; however as respect to them I decided to use different names. All the events happened several years ago, and of course I asked the other person involved for permission to share it.
I actually don’t know how to start my story that began way back 2005. I am quite skeptic if I can give enough justice for the both us, since it’s our story. I don’t want to be biased because it’s not just mine. Perhaps I could even say that this is how our story began (I tried to asked him to write it with me, but he declined). It’s a good thing that I was able to keep track of things through a diary and scribbled notes on my books and some papers (Haha! That is what I call attached documents. Hahah!) I hope it would help me rationalize both characters.
It’s really difficult to start this story in any other manner than this:
FIRST YEAR COLLEGE NA AKO! YEY!
First day of school in college! Well everything then was new to me; I am not used to with the life in the metro. I am a country bumpkin, although I just came from the nearby province from the north. Of course as a new girl in a new school I am not familiar with the people, and I tried to look for new friends who would accept me being a probinsiyana.
Since it was the first day there’s always introduction plus a never-ending and a nerve wracking questions from our professors: What do you expect from this class? What can you contribute to this class? And then nakita ko siya. I saw this boy; he seems to be quiet, aloof and reserved. He’s one of the tallest boys and at the same time siya ang pinakapayat sa class namin, we were all standing then. I don’t know what happened, nor can I explain the mystical feeling that I had then (for the record, hindi ko pa din alam kung ano ang tawag don. Hahaha!), but when I saw him it feels like everything stopped except for him. It feels like he’s moving in a slow motion, and I know that my eyes was following his every move. I don’t know how long it took me to stare at him like that, but my attention was called off by another classmate. I thought it was just nothing, so I tried to shake it off me.
For every subject that we’re doing introduction (by the way his name is Michael) I tried not to look at him but it’s as if there was this invisible magnet or force or whatever you may call it that’s driving me towards him. Alam ninyo hindi ko masabing “love at first sight” yon, because I was in love with another person then. First day of school ends, I failed to find new friends, pero may nakita ako at alam kong ang nakita ko ay may dadalhin sa buhay ko.
Days came and passed I am still trying to shake off everything, while looking for new friends. Pinipilit ko pa rin i-ignore ang mga bagay bagay. I first met the girl Michael met on the first day. Her name is Dianne, we went along quite well. Well enough, that she told me na feeling niya ayaw siyang makasama ni Michael kasi iba na daw ang kasama niya these days, at iniwan na din siya nung isa pa nilang kasama. (Nabigla lang ako. Hehe!) Feeling ko noon I found a friend. Then I told her, how can you say na ayaw ka niyan kasama? Eh nagstart pa lang naman tayo, baka naghahanap pa siya ng ibang friends. Tara ayain natin siya mamayang lunch. (Hidden motive: Ano ba kasing meron sa taong yon. Sige na nga, total feeling ko may invisible magnet siya sa katawan at since I cannot avoid him forever, sige let’s try and see. Tsaka nararamdaman ko talaga, somethin’s driving me towards him.) Dianne told me, Sige nga ikaw na nga ayain mo yan. And of course I answered back: Sus, ayain lang eh. Sure! Masyado ka kasing sumusuko agad eh. Actually, that moment I decided not to shake everything, I decided be the water and take a chance and see for myself. I gathered all my guts and approached him (Mind you hindi ako ma-approach na tao! Hahah!) and asked him: Hello, gusto mong sumabay samin mamayang lunch? And of course he said yes. Pero ang di ko alam, sa simple tanong ko pala na yon pwedeng magbago ang college life ko.
From then on we would eat lunch together, at syempre nadagdagan kami. We were joined by Arthur and Louie. Syempre sa simula nagkakapalagayan pa lang kaming lima ng loob, but eventually we were able to grasp each other’s topaks and trips. Me a weird country bumpkin girl that does whatever comes in her adventurous mind; Si Michael, isang aloof gentleman and reserved charismatic loner; Si Dianne na moody, but good person; Si Arthur na mejo mahingin, pero masipag at mabuting tao, and finally; Si Louie na mejo ma-L, forever late pero mabuting tao. Five different people, five different point of views and principles pero iisang topak(siguro).
At first everything was fine and the magnetic thing was already out of my mind (narealize ko din kasi na parang wala lang pala yung magnet thing), and I was not magnetized by Michael anymore.
By then ang magka-close talaga in our group was him and Dianne. But even though I wasn’t paying too much attention, may mga bagay pa din na hindi nakaligtas sa akin: Michael is a gentleman, a good person indeed and a well-rounded guy. Minsan nga may mga pagkakataon na naiilang ako dahil gentleman nga siya, and he was one of the first guy friends na meron ako. Eh sometimes, I can tell that I offended him, and I can’t apologize because I find it awkward. He’s very proper, but that characteristic of him was one of the things that would set us up in the arguments that we would have.
Feeling ko kasi non, dahil masyado siyang proper hindi na niya nasasabi yung gusto nyang sabihin. At doon magsisimula ang walang katapusang pagtatalo, dahil Michael would rebut my argument and so am I with him.
Michael: Bakit kailangan ko pang sabihin kung makakasakit lang naman ako? Di ba may mga bagay na okay sabihin pero may mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pang sabihin di ba?
Me: Eh hindi ko naman sinasabing sabihin mo ang lahat ng bagay sa lahat ng tao. Ang sinasabi ko lang siguro naman pwede mong sabihin ang lahat ng nakikita mo pangit man o maganda sa isang tao na ka-close mo at kaibigan mo for the sole reason that you’re concerned
Paulit ulit na diskusyon. Ako kasi yung taong kapag ayaw ko sinasabi ko, kapag gusto ko sinasabi ko. Ang paniniwala ko kasi: ang pagsasabi ng matapat ay pagsasama ng maluwat. I’m quite tough and strict pagdating sa sarili ko pero mali mali pa din. Michael, I think, is more like of a noble master, a proper gentleman. Try to imagine an English or French noble- charismatic. Always the proper things, proper words, right choice of words, right everything, more of what will people think. A perfect gentleman but not free nor happy; compared to him I’m just commoner: Tactless. We’re exact opposite; north and south, east and west, a perfect example of black and white.
Dahil sa magkaibang magkaiba kami, I think I could say that Michael was teacher’s favorite somehow. I, on the contrary, was just an ordinary student and since I hate my course (initially) I always feel sleepy during major subject. Not too intelligent, but rather weird. Michael’s got a charm. I don’t know if I have, but I think my charm 6 ft. under the ground. Hahaha! At first, I was trying to defy his charisma, pero talagang charismatic siya, although, hanggang ngayun debate pa rin ata yon. Hahah!
We were teenagers then and it’s normal to think of liking opposite sex. And since, I was in love with a guy and I know that my feelings were hopeless; I was trying to forget the feelings. I wanted to move on. And I thought initially that if I am to move on, if ever I would fall in love again, I thought that it would be with Arthur. Sing lakas man ng bagyo ang hangin na ine-emit niya, he’s not that bad and naisip kong mag-ingat para di maulit ang lahat.
I can say na ang lahat nagstart sa away-bati, well probably because Michael and I have different point of views and upbringings in life, and also possibly because I’ve got my guard then and he has his walls around him. But because, I know that he is a good person slowly I lowered down my guard, I thought everything was my fault. Hindi ko din naman kasi siya masisi, not in my nature.
Minsan lang talaga when things are falling into place may nangyayari. We had a fight. It all started with a simple texting(hahah!). I asked him something, and then I told him: Hihintayin ko ang reply mo, hindi ako matutulog hangga’t di ka nagrereply. And he did not reply. The following day in a procession I confronted him, and asked him why he told me: Eh sino ba naman kasing sira ulo ang maghihintay para lang sa text. (Now that I am older, whenever I try to walk back in my memory lane I always laugh at this part. Hahaha! I was soo~ narrow-minded.) After that, hindi ko siya pinansin. It was a silent war. Kahit na alam ko na mali din ako, hindi pa din ako nagsalita, hindi ko siya pinansin, hindi dahil sa pride chicken ko, pero dahil I thought that it was the right thing to do. Michael apologized. And that settles it. Bati na kami. Pero somehow parang may gap pa din.
After all the arguments and disagreements that we’ve been through, that doesn’t mean I was able to tear down the walls around him. Minsan naiisip ko siguro the reasons why I am magnetized by him it’s either; because he’s my exact opposite or because he is really a good person. After 2 semesters with him, something is building up: Respect.
And if there’s anything that I am sure of when I approached Michael that was: I know he will change my life forever.
To be continued…