I was left in love. I think we all have our fair share of tragic stories like this. But for a relationship that never really happened, no traces you fell in love with each other once, no dates to recall or evidence that you two once had each other. Where do you begin to tell the story?
Most of those who had the hardest time moving forward are those who were never given the privilege of a formal break-up. Some people think they’ve done that with their best intention, but leaving someone at the time they have given up everything para magkatuluyan kayo? Where is the good in that?
How does turning your back on someone- at the time you were very much aware you’re all they’ve got -help them get over you immediately? Saang banda yun tama? Saang banda yun nakabuti?
So many questions; things for the longest time I, too, have longed for answers.
You wonder why they didn’t even try to fix things. You wish they had the nerve to tell you they don’t deserve you because, well, maybe you weren’t the best girl in town.
We could have understand that, but to throw it all away just like that? Aren’t they impossible? They left no messages or voice mails and, just like that, it’s over for them, as if a “sorry for everything” would fix all. How you wished you have treated them awful or lambasted them in front of their friends and families. But no, that never happened and so you keep wondering what went wrong or what changed their mind and then you’ll ask yourself “did I just give up everything for nothing?” They never even bothered telling you it’s over.
And then you start to live the most vulnerable days of your life. You cry over anything. You check his/her FB walls every now and then just to find he’s okay. You go crazy thinking how he managed to exist a day while you could barely move yourself from your bed. We all have this funny idea that they are hurting, too. But, no, they are really doing perfectly fine because if they weren’t ,they’d be at your doorstep, knocking, asking you back now.
You keep waiting but nothing happens. You live like this every day. It’s like a battle for survival: You keep yourself busy; try to fix yourself; and, plan everything right in your life again. But, once in a while, you still go mad when you remember everything and how it was easy for them to leave you just like that.
But the day would come when you don’t remember him first thing in the morning, anymore.
Slowly, you’ll learn to live again without them. You’ll learn to trust people again; to laugh and drink for joy again. You’ll meet new people. You’ll realize that there was more to discover in your life. You’ll learn to smile again and celebrate life once more.
But, just when you thought you’re so over it, they’ll come back. They have completely learned to manipulate your feelings, haven’t they? You’ll bargain yourself once again; beg just to see them or just talk to them, to work things out. But, they will never treat you right and they’re going to keep you hanging for as long as they know you’re in love with them.
You lived like this for the longest time. All for the hope that they have a valid reason for turning their back on you. But what if there’s none? What if they don’t really have a valid reason for putting you in so much pain that’s why they never had the courage to tell you what went wrong in the first place? Or, what if you found out that there was something wrong but their reasons won’t even compensate the pain you’ve had for the longest time?
Would you rather live the rest of your life believing that it was once the greatest love of your life and just remember all the good things you had? Or, are you brave enough to hear the truth and realize that the greatest love story you thought you’ve ever had was all in your head?
Can you forgive yourself for denying all the happiness you deserve and all those times you’ve wasted wishing he’d still come back?
Take it from Hall and Oates: “Some words are really better left unsaid.”
Indeed, some new lives are better off untouched. Go on with your life and don’t look back. There’s nothing on your past that you can change, anyway. If it hasn’t done you good in the past, there’s no way that it can do you good in the present.