I’m in Heaven with the Angels now

(Photo Credit: youarenotaphotographer.com)
(Photo Credit: youarenotaphotographer.com)
(Photo Credit: youarenotaphotographer.com)

Hi mommy! Hi mommy. I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John and I’ve got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child and you’ll call me your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly. But we have each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today mommy! You’re  so excited, you can’t wait to tell everyone. All you can do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and that will be the best thing I’m going to see in my life. I know it mommy.

Today is the day you told daddy. You’re so excited to tell him about me! But he’s not happy, mommy. He’s kind of angry and upset. I don’t think that you notice it, but he is. He start to talk about something called wedlock, money, bills and stuff, I don’t understand it yet. You’re still happy though, so it’s okay. Then he did something scary, mommy. He hit you. I can feel you fly backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I’m okay… but I’m very sad for you. You’re crying mommy and that’s the sound I don’t like. It doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgive him, mommy, but I’m not sure if I do. It wasn’t right. He say he loves you…. why would he hurt you? I don’t like it mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you’re so proud of me! You go out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you’re so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing, I’m happy and you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, mommy. Daddy came to see you today, mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny, and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t know why, but that’s what he said. He hit you again, I got angry mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think he is a good person, I think he is bad. He hit you, and said he didn’t want you and he doesn’t like me. Why he doesn’t like me, mommy?

You didn’t talk to me tonight, mommy. Is everything okay? It’s been three days since you saw daddy. You haven’t talked to me or touched me, or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms and I feel safe and warm again. Why don’t you do that when your awake, anymore?

I’m 21 weeks old today, mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going somewhere today, it’s somewhere new and I’m excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait.

Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t know what you’re thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something is going to happen soon. I’m really, really, really, scared mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you mommy! Mommy what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please mommy, please, please help me! Make them stop!

Don’t worry, mommy. I’m safe. I’m in Heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, they told me it’s something called an abortion. Why, mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me anymore? Why did you get rid of me? I’m really, really, really, sorry if I did something wrong, mommy. I love you, mommy. I love you with all of my heart. Why don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, mommy! Please! It really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn’t I love you enough? Please say you’ll keep me, mommy! I want to live, smile, and watch the clouds and see your face, and grow up to be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I want you to love me again!

But I guess that’s not gonna happen. I’m really, really, really, sorry if I did something wrong. I love you! I love you mommy… I still do..

About marckus

A system programmer by profession and a musician, graphic artist, painter, inventor(sort of ^_^), and also a writer by passion. I believe that there are still other more skills and talents inside me, and I want to get this talent out.(and I know you should do the same. We are full of talents, we just need to discover it ourselves.) I love to do, discover, and invent new things. Writing is just my way to express what I want to tell the world. I'm not a famous person, but I think I can still prove my self. I don't want fame, I just want to share. It's like self-amusement thing or something like that. :)I'm just happy if some people are happy because of me. It's like something that makes my heart smile after I saw someone using my invention, reading my novel, poem or script, or listening to the songs I wrote. Even if they don't know that the inventor, the writer or the musician is me, I don't care. The important thing is that they love what I did and that's enough for me. That's a very vague explanation, but the idea is, I just want to do something good or something right or something that all people can benefit with during my entire life. Don't call me a hero because I'm no hero. I just want to be somebody that even if my name is forgotten, but my works will be remembered.