Never in my life have I become an honor student or even got the covetous Latin honor when I was in college. So whenever I’m listening to someone’s valedictory address I couldn’t help myself from getting envious about their momentous success. Hearing such made me wish that I could have their extraordinary wits, and made me wonder if I could dish out their brain and put it into mine, would I be like them? Like them who are so good enough to fit in this competitive world.
How come I was never an honor student?
It all begun during my grade schooling days. At that period of my life, I had difficulty understanding our school textbook even if somebody was tutoring me. Thus, I was usually losing focus on the lessons that my teacher was discussing. While my classmates expressed their hunger for learning, me, I was always imagining things and wishing the classes was over so I could watch my favorite Cartoon Network shows. I knew, from that time, that I was far too different from the bright children as expected by their parents – a doctor, lawyer, politicians, and other most regarded professions someday.
It continued when I was in high school. I never pushed myself to study hard because I knew I couldn’t be as good as those of my classmates wearing .50m graded eyeglasses. My priority in high school was just to pass. Period.
i never aimed to be on top because no matter how hard I studied, even I burn all my eyebrows late at night studying my lessons, I could never get the chance to be Valedictorian. So why should I stress myself, right? High school is supposedly spent for the fun things in life because it is the time of your life when you truly live young. I have to experience falling in love, late-at-night hanging out, scrolling in the plaza, cutting classes sometimes, and sleep overs.
With that in mind, I never forced myself digesting bits of information especially in Mathematics. Those tangents and co-tangents, 360 degrees triangle, problem solving things were never my friends. As a result I took exams in Mathematics subjects several times just to get a passing mark.
“Then, college came. It was really a far different life. At this stage, realizations struck hard. How I wished I studied harder in high school so I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by all the pressures demanded by college life.”
I was humiliated because of my bad grammar and my poor public speaking skills given the fact that I was a Communication stude. My reasoning and thinking skills were not enhanced well unlike my classmates who spoke and wrote well-polished essays and speeches. I’d taken Trigonometry two times because I dropped it the first time. I felt hopeless when I was in college, popping in my head the classic ‘what ifs’; like ‘what if I studied hard when I was in high school?’, ‘what if I had taken all the challenges in joining extracurricular activities so my interpersonal skills would have been highly developed’. However, I couldn’t turn back the hands of time. I knew the blame was on me; not in my highschool life.
What moved me to change was seeing the disappointment in my parents’ eyes whenever I showed to them my grades. It was kind of depressing, especially knowing that my older sister is consistently on the dean’s list while I was the sole loser who was lucky to get only passing grades. My parents are working hard just to send me to college, while me, even if they didn’t express it, they only wanted to see that I am doing my best as token for all their toils. I did. I tried. So the fruit of my hardships, I graduated in college on time sans any awards and honor.
After college, I started to experience the real cruelty of life. I have to accept that all the advices of my parents about life are true. That the world outside is really about survival of the fittest, and competition is really tight. That I am definitely not good enough. I’m only good for nothing, a young immature guy who doesn’t know what to do with his life except to have fun.
But nothing will be offered to you on a silver platter especially if you don’t have connections. So I started from the bottom and tried to sweat it out. Being at the bottom, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking of the past events in my life, I had so much fun that I neglected to prepare for my future. I made terrible mistakes. My young age should have been a starting point in establishing a sturdy backbone. Good grades really matter especially nowadays when eveyrhting is measured by numbers.
At the end of it all, however, I think it is not late for me to change.
I may not be the one who delivered a valedictory address or someone who’s good enough for others, but I am shoving myself to fight harder to also get an ace in this competitive world that runs by self-entitlement and designations under people’s names.