I never thought I’d overcome the feelings I had for him. The agony of waiting to be noticed again, the pride I chose to let go of him, and those times I looked like a fool whenever I literally threw myself at him, having in mind only the love I had for him.
Yes, “HAD”, as I searched for that feeling I used to have, I found emptiness. There is no hatred, I never hated him, even during those times he ignored me, whenever I begged for him to love me again, Or those times he mauled my body while he looked with great enjoyment, feasted his eyes as I bore that excruciating pain. That was him, that was how he showed his love as I put it on my head.
I was his slave. The moment he calls, I made sure I was there. Whatever he needed, I am at his feet, giving him the best that I can. I used to be afraid he might get angry at me and never want to see me again. I’m just one of those women afraid to be left behind by the ones whom they thought loved them.
I don’t know how this feeling started, maybe I got fed up waiting; maybe I finally got my time, the one which I always say, in due time, I’ll forget him.
I did. Not that I have amnesia and forgot his name, forget his features, but I don’t remember the feeling I had for him anymore. Before, he used to be that special person; I was like a dog wagging its tail on his beck and call, I adored him like no one ever did.
Grateful as I am, now I can say, I was able to say goodbye…..goodbye to the old feeling, that flame of love which burned my whole being. Now slowly recovering, I can smile to the world. Goodbye to the love which once I let myself be enslaved. Goodbye to the one whom I let myself be trampled. Whom I let my dignity be robbed.
I’m standing up, putting myself together, frisking myself from dust, with head up high, I’ll walk straight again. I’ll be walking past him with pride as I rebuild my life and share the light. He will not see the soft side of me again. He will not see the one who’s madly in love with him. He will see a person who overcame that feeling of unrequited love.