I Am afraid of Silence

I do not have a quiet moment. My life is droned by  noise all the time, from the moment I open my eyes till the moment I close it to sleep.

Am I avoiding silence? Am I afraid to be alone with my own thoughts?

I think I am.  It is because with quietness you reflect and with reflection you ponder. I am afraid to ponder again and again  the what ifs and  what should I have been. Not that I have lots of things to regret but I still have lots to accomplish yet it seems that there is little time.

A quarter of a century of my life had already passed by 4 years ago but I realized that I am still not where I wanted to be. It seems that the race I had started never ends and when you thought that you had already reached the finish line, the whistle blows again and another race begins.

Life, I guess, is a constant race to the finish line. When we are born, it’s a race to whoever starts to walk or talk first. When we starts pre-school, there’s a race to finish kindergarten, then it goes on to finishing grade school, then high school and college. When you finally have your Bachelor’s degree, You’ll think you already did well and is just seconds away from the finish line but you are wrong. It is again just the starting point of another race, bigger and longer than any of the races you had done so far. It is a race to find work then when you have the work, you race again to study for Masters or Phd and then race to save money for your future and above all, a race to find the one person you will have to spend the rest of of your life with. When you find “The One”, it will now be a race against time. A race to spend as much time with your family before life is finally taken away from you.

Again, Life is a race but I guess, it is not who reaches most of the finish line first but on how you do the run trying to reach each finish line. It is the determination and the will to not give up and quit it.

Yes, I am afraid of silence for I am afraid to reflect and ponder that life is a race but, I did. So now, I’ll just keep on racing.

Photo by Owen Zammit

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