Happy Birthday, Pa

Dear Papa,

I don’t know kung papaano ulit ito sisimulan pero kung sakali mang mabasa mo ito sa heaven, sana alam mo na araw-araw kitang naaalala.

Been 10 months since you’ve gone back to our original HOME.

Agonizing months.

I stuffed myself with works and social media so I don’t have time to think, to feel and to remember. Not that I want to forget you, Pa, but the pain is sometimes unbearable.

How I wish I could talk to you again. How I wished I could still see you.

Last time, I planned to throw a party for you but Jackylyn was gone too soon, hence ’twas postponed. (But the lechon was still pushed through).

I haven’t seen your pain. You spared me from a miserable and ugly sight. You know how I love my profession and you are always proud whenever you see me in that white uniform. I could never forget your face the day I wore my pin, my toga and my cap. Your eyes lighted up.

Maybe in your mind, it’s as if I was your trophy. The prize of all your hard work.

You planned to skip my graduation march because you thought, someone deserves that spot. Thank GOD Mama convinced you to march with us. I was overwhelmed when you waited for the man I like, coz you thought he will add happiness to me on that day. You wanted me to be happy, but for me I hope I made you happy the day you marched with me towards the stage.

I hope I made you happy when you saw my name flash on the big screen as a graduate.

I hope I made you happy the day my name was announced as a registered nurse.

You were shocked as I am when I told you I passed. I know you never doubted my abilities and my intelligence (naks!) You always believed I could do something BIG.

During those moments when I almost lose my mind, you always have the right things to say. I remember the talk we had when I decided to try Thailand. It was a phone call while I was lining for a bus going to Cavite. You assured me that you will always support my decision whatever it is.

I remember your call when you knew I walked 3 km in Thailand province to work. You were worried coz walking was never my thing.

I remember when mom asked you what if I’ll get married to a “padyak driver” and you said, we can never underestimate a man’s capability to achieve a better life. That threw me off, Pa. You never judge a person by looks, their background and their story. You welcome everyone coz you always thought man has innate goodness.

How many times have you let a stranger stay with us? You opened our home to wanderers. Then they ended up becoming your friends. Yes, you are strict but soft-hearted at the same time. You enjoy simple joys. A letter, a chocolate, a piece of bread, a good food, an action movie (I do still watch action movies and it always leads me to think of you coz I know you like this genre).

You’re gone too soon, Pa. I won’t lie that I hate life coz it took people I love so much. It grabs my joy and hope. It broke my heart into pieces three times. I sometimes wonder if it’s still possible to be fixed. I often dream of walking down the aisle in an off white dress towards the man I’ll marry someday with you and mom on my side as you give me away to my happiness. I dreamed of your speech on the reception. I dreamed of our father-daughter dance. Everything will be just a dream now.

As you celebrate your first birthday in Paradise, I knew you’re happy. You’re finally well and free from pain. You can enjoy the eternal life now. In time, Pa, we will see each other again and everything will be perfect as before (and more than that).

Thank you for all the lessons in life. Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be your daughter. It is a privilege to be your child.

If in a million years GOD will allow me to live again, I’ll still choose our family and you as my father.

I’ll be crying tonight not because I’m sad but because I’m happy that you’re there already. But I’m missing you terribly. I love you. I love you. I love you so much.

Always,

Ate

pa

 

[Hugssss, Jing  ^_^  I understand how you feel because I, too, lost a great father and it looks like your Pa is of the same made as my Dad.  —  Mommyjoyce of DF]

About WandererGirl

Just a girl who's trying to make a difference