There are lots of FB posts on pain and hurt; indecision and emptiness. Is this a season of lonely “hanging” hearts? So many are lost as to whether they should stay or let go… tsk, tsk.
Just recently, four knocked on my PM box. All having similar problems. All needing some shoulder to cry on, someone to listen, someone to somehow clear the webs that are building up in their minds; someone to shed light from a different perspective.
“Mom, should I stay or should I go?”
Incidentally, the four cases are similar. All looking for equal effort from their respective love of their life. All have NO third party involved. Just the seemingly unreciprocated effort and absence of full commitment which they all long for. Keyword – Expectations. What best to advise these young people?
It’s so easy to just tell them to drop their woes, move on, be available for someone else who is more appreciative of their person, there are other fishes in the ocean, etc. But it’s easier said than done. Because one who loves so deeply will find it hard to back out, move on, pretend that life’s so good! Especially when there is no THIRD PARTY involved. Just a matter of hanging hearts whose status can’t be written as engaged or in a relationship.
Says one post: Single… but committed to someone I cannot call my own. Another post goes “complicated”, but holding on.. Still another says, “waiting… but don’t know how long.” Really?
Love, love, love. What a simple yet very complicated emotion. Discussed , featured, explored, debated on for many many centuries, but still remains to be a simple enigma (Is this phrase even acceptable? )
Seriously now. What to tell these hanging hearts?
They seem to believe that a golden Mom (aged 56) like me would be a sufficient Solomon? Anyway, to turn one’s back on troubled friends is sheer crime. So I spent several hours pondering on what best to say.
Should you stay or should you go???? hmmmm….
I will not make the decision for you. But I can give you a piece of my mind.
Truly, love sounds so easy. Love sounds so romantic. That’s why so many love songs and poems and movies have been, and are still, being written and done about it.
Well, it is, really. But love and commitment – together, … it’s not always the case. Especially in these hard times when commitment seems to be synonymous with responsibility; and responsibility can be very expensive! Duh!
It is when two people are more than friends but not really lovers (MU).
It is when two people have been in a relationship for some years, but there is no talk about getting into a more permanent one like marriage because one partner is always evading it.
It is when you’re officially “on”, but only the two of you know it. Luh!
It’s when you have an errant partner who expects you to understand his love for freedom, yet expects you to be patiently waiting on the sidelines.
It’s when you are pro-PDA (Public Display of Affection), and your partner is an extremely shy and private person (hence, zero sweetums).
It’s when you give a lot of yourself into the relationship and you’re grumpy that you don’t get your fair share.
It’s when you have a lot of expectations which aren’t met and you feel aggrieved; doubting if he/she really loves you… so on and so forth.
Hanging hearts. It is when you are in a state of confusion and always find yourself pondering on the question: Should I stay or should I go?”
I say, you are the better judge on that.
Love, for all its worth, is not something we can just erase or run away from. If there is no third party involved and much of your self-esteem is still high enough, sometimes it is best to leave things as they are and wait until things improve. To love is to give a part of ourselves and not to expect in return. If our efforts are reciprocated, that’s a bonus! Some people are just not so expressive. But that doesn’t always mean they love less.
Besides, if you feel you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t? Arghh You’ll be hurt in both cases, anyway. Would you prefer to hurt with him or hurt without him? Hmmm… not easy to answer that, is it?
I believe communication is the key in all cases. Have that talk to somehow get answers, and from there perhaps it will be easier to answer that question — should I stay or should I leave. Laban ba o bawi?
In my case, in whatever relationship I’m in as a mom, as a friend, as a daughter, or simply Mommy Joyce….. I try my best to love unconditionally. I give my caring and affection regardless of whether you’ll make an effort to appreciate it or not. Because in life, I learned that the happiness we get from loving people should be enough reward. To be loved in return, it’s a Jackpot! (Though not everyone gets it.)
A point to ponder …. if you love your partner more, maybe staying is the best option.
>>>>>> if you love yourself more, perhaps it is time to move on???
Now…that’s a hanging question !!! hahaha
Enjoy life, enjoy love. Cherish every day. Savor every good thing. Be the best person you can be… pray much and let prayers work for you! Have a wonderful life! God bless! ^_^ mj
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