Goodbye, Baby Girl

Honey….hun…sweetie, sweet cheeks…baby…bhe, darling….sweetheart….babe, these are just few terms of endearment I usually hear from lovers. It’s like a music to the ears of the person being called by such.

I had mine too..I was called baby girl. It’s not because I’m still a baby but I liked it.  I accepted it as different from the usual popular terms of endearment.. It felt different. For me it means security, I alone hold that name. That whenever he says baby girl….that will always be me.

Im not hun….im not sweetie…..im not darling, the ones he calls even to random strangers.

Papa bear….that’s what he is to me..Yes, with his towering height you can liken him to a polar bear because of his skin. He is huge man that I felt some kind of a dwarf compared to him.

Papa bear……my papa bear…………..

He often would ask why I call him that.

Does he look fierce?

Does he look terrifying to be compared to a bear?

Is he scary?

With all his description, not single one fit.

Because I see him as someone whom I am comfortable with; his arms I always felt ready to catch me, as his chest strong enough for me to lean on, as we face the hurdles that come our way.

For me, he is my comfort, my refuge;  not a scary bear, but someone whom I like to be around with, a lovable one.

In my most comforting times, I could speak what I really want to say, I could open my mind and my heart without hesitations, for one and only one reason, he is my papa bear.

In my most unsettled moments, I try to hide my thoughts from him but he knows me…he is my papa bear.

Admittedly, being his baby girl, I am a brat. I always want to get what I want. His attention, his love, his time, everything about him. Again, it’s because I felt comfortable….being his baby girl. I never imagined myself being with any man. The thought of me taking care of him and him being there for me as we grow old has always been in my mind.

When he gets mad at me..I get mad at him too. But the love I felt for him never diminish. That fiery passion of love still ooze. I get bitchy…maybe because of that comfortable feeling of being his baby girl …I was so assured that whatever happens, I will still be loved despite of being such, as I love him inspite of his flaws.

I never hated him. I wanted to but I can’t. Of all the fights we have been through, I never thought of leaving him. I never thought of finding someone or be unfaithful to him. I feel the comfort of being his baby girl, the one who will be with him for lifetime.

But…………..

My papa bear is gone. He went back to the jungle and I know, I will no longer be his baby girl.

 

About jessa maria

Proud to be a BICOLANA..a simple person who writes what's on her heart. Loves to laugh even in times of trouble..hopeless romantic and often times with a wild imagination.....friendly but shy....