Way back then in the four walls of the seminary, I often heard of the majestic and sometimes unending sermons of our priest’s formators regarding on how to be an ideal seminarian which is centered into Christ Jesus himself.
An ideal seminarian should possess the following: Psychologically balance, Marianly devoted, intellectually capable, eucharistically pious and many more.
Seminary is indeed ideal in its objectives and goals of forming future church leaders and Christ servers in the vineyard. However, it cannot be denied or it cannot be neglected that if a seminarian does not possess the said qualities of an ideal seminarian, he can be sent out from the seminary.
Should these qualities should be the basis of becoming a priest someday? Or is it the subjective judgment of the formators?
It is often done subjectively I think. I myself have experienced this judgment of my formators. Anyway, I always think that the decision given to me was inspired by Christ as we considered priests as alter Christus. “Into your hands Lord, I commend my spirit”. This was my statement to God in my prayer after I left the seminary walls. It is painful, it is stressing and my heart is bleeding at that moment.
Being an ex seminarian is not that easy because people would sometimes judge me according to the past identity that I have. I am sometimes misunderstood and emotionally abused because of the stain of my future identity. I cannot move freely, and I cannot show the world if who really am. On the other hand, things should be fixed properly in order for me to survive the call of the world without removing the learnings and religiousity that I acquired back then when I was still in the seminary.
Sometimes, people would say that some ex seminarians are intellectually trained and posses more knowledge and ideas about the world. But I think it’s not true. Ex seminarians are usually clouded with lots of pride because they think that they are bright as the sun and they can do anything because they are trained to be someone. This is a wrong concept and notion of seeing an ex seminarian. This belief may be true for some but generally speaking this is a fallacy. Pride would lead us and would bridge us to commit sin if we are not careful.
I cannot deny the fact that though generally speaking, ex seminarians possess intellectual pride because of the belief that they are well trained in the seminary. However, some also possess unending talents and skills in different fields of expertise. They are these ex seminarians who are in one way or another reap and worked hard just to be someone in the society. That is why, we often see them in politics, business, real estate industries, legal councils, political advisers and many more.
These people of God have inculcated the good qualities and good learnings of the seminary. They are the ones who showed the world that though they did not become priest but they indeed became good Christian in the society, thanking and praising God together with their family. “Many are called but few are chosen”; this is one of the famous teachings of Christ that we can see in the bible, but this may also be the source of future realization of some ex seminarians today.
We may not be chosen to be the servers of Christ in the vineyard but we are chosen to be the people who are helpers in giving the vine to the people of God. I strongly believe that God has His own plan for each and every one of us. And this plan would be understood only if we are constantly talking to Him. God moves in mysterious ways and he can even move mountains.
Indeed God moves mysteriously. I thought then that I am called to be priest but then, I don’t know His plan for me. I am presently battling in the outside world, seeing things and understanding them accordingly in line with God’s plan for me. It is still blurred and I cannot see the answer of God. Maybe, this is the life that he wants me to see. I am called to be in other vocation. Moreover, there are times that maybe God is challenging me and my vocation. He wants to see the faithfulness and loyalty that I have in Him. And that’s all. I am doing all of these just for the greater glory of His name and of His Love for me.
I am in a bit hesitant to write this essay, but I think God has His own plan for me. I am happy to see myself struggling and overcoming difficulties with the help of God. May the God of peace be with you always in your journey in going to Him and be servers of God. I remain.