This hope of having you back had taken quite a lot from me. To think that I only wanted to keep it peaceful or to make life easy for everyone else. It wasn’t.
I’ve run not only circles for you, but crossed all borders of my sanity. I justified all the wrongs, although they would never make sense and will never be right. I made all sorts of lies to myself when I could no longer reason out. And I’m never good at lying. Especially to myself.
Don’t get me wrong. It had been amazing. But that stopped a long time before I asked you to leave. And maybe back then, you loved me still but you stopped caring. Which hurt more than it already did.
And I only wanted it easy so I can have peace. Or keep perfectly still. Like fragile ice that cracks at the slightest sound. I longed for the silence.
Turns out that’s not what I need nor really wanted. I figured I would be willing to destroy their so-called peace to have the freedom I deserve — especially when no one cared how much I break and am breaking.
I promised you a lot of things, even friendship. But now, it had to be on my terms. Or you get none of it. I’ve endured enough. Seems only fair. Earn it or just drop dead. You’re still messing me a lot and I don’t even love you as much. Just because I still see the old you who cared, and I’ve loved. Yet, I’ve learned the hard way that people change, sometimes, not for the better and promises are almost always meant to be broken. And some things don’t need mending, nor can some damaged thing be fixed again.
I am done chasing that glimmer of hope, which is not hope at all. And I realized evil disguises in many forms, but there really aren’t ghosts.
I am not going after false hopes anymore.