Desperately seeking Mother: ‘Please help me search for my ‘Invisible’ mom’

(Photo Credit:  twitter.com)
(Photo Credit: twitter.com)

I grew up without my mother. The very thought of mentioning her name in the family is taboo. She left us when I was only one year old.

It never dawned on me that I will look for her, but I did. It just happened. I just felt the need, the strong longing to find her.

I have an ‘invisible’ mom. She’s out there somewhere, but she’s not with me. I’m afraid she chose to be invisible herself.  It’s been quite sometime  since I’ve last seen her.  The reason why I want to see her again.

I’m 44 now, I also feel I’m running out of time. Not just because I know my mom is already 71 years old, but because I am not feeling well myself.

I am afraid of a lot of things, but this move has been my bravest act because I want to see her again, to talk to her…and if God permits it — to feel her hug again though I don’t remember when the last time was.

Sadly, I don’t know what name she is using now. As a mother registered in my birth certificate, she is Rosie Garza Enciso. Then in 1993 when I first got the chance to get to know her, she went with the name Rosie O’leary. I was 22. She’s been married to a British-Australian and they were living in Victoria, Australia.

In 2003, her husband died and she had the time to visit me and my family back home.

I was thankful then, ’cause I had time with her. The emptiness I felt growing up without her by my side was filled. I became greedy. Being the youngest daughter and the only one who whose to acknowledge her return, I wanted her to stay for good. But of course she has her own life. She had to go back.

I must admit she went back to Australia feeling hurt. I hurt her feelings according to her. But what can I do, I am only a child who wished and dreamt of forever by her mother’s side. I was only 32 then.

I’m not getting any younger and so is she. I want to see her. I maybe older, but I always feel I’m a child who always long for her mother.

I cry when I miss her. I cry whenever I am not feeling well. I long for her caring hands; to caress and soothe the pain I feel, just like a crying child who wants to be comforted.

The last time I received a letter from her, she goes by the name Rosie Bradbury. She still lives in Victoria, Australia, but I don’t know if she is still married to that man. I was so dumb not to secure the pictures she sent me. A typhoon ruined every bit of those memories.

And what is left for me is the fact that whatever name she has now, she is and will always be my mother.  And I can’t deny the fact…I MISS HER and I HOPE I CAN FIND HER.

To anyone who lives in Victoria, Australia…or in any part of Australia…help me please. I have no way to check with any Australian government agency. Please help me find my mother before it’s too late. Please…..

Rosie Garza Enciso  >>>> Rosie O’leary  >>> Rosie Bradbury,  71 years old.

 

2 Comments

  1. I understand that you terribly miss your mother, but the larger question at hand is why do you miss her so badly? At age 44 you would experienced enough to handle messy emotional outbreaks. Your mother may have her reasons why she preferred to live abroad. She may have been hurt in the past twice so much in her own country of origin where her blood family could have had the chance to rekindle the bond of family. But as you said in your post she returned to Australia with hurt feelings. And it feels as though you’re mother is far more independent emotionally because if you think about it. She immigrated to a country alone with a non blood relative who could have easily discarded her for anyone else. Compared to you you’re quite lucky being surrounded by family members that could take you in anytime.

    You’ll always be in your mother’s heart. Always. But by now you should have accepted the facts and moved on with your life. The emptiness and missing feeling you feel is how you truly feel about yourself. You’re so detached with your own heart that you’ve never gave yourself the chance to love and comfort your own hurt feelings. If you were your mother how would have she dealt with it? Because as I see it you need to stop deluding yourself (even if you have a terminal disease or incurable one.) with fantasies and accept the people who are truly there for you.

    That’s what your mother have felt when she left for unknown territories. Family won’t always be there for you but the people who truly want to be there will always be by your side.

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