Dear Future Me,
I know there’s a lot going on with my life (ours, to be precise) and please do understand that I wanted to just scream and run away and be gone. But please also know that I am trying my best, to not crumble down. I wanted to do right by you, as much as I can.
There’s a lot of things I do not understand and it overwhelms me. A lot of things I wish I can change, or control. And often times, I find myself hoping everything would go as planned, or for things to be much easier than they are. But then easy is not really a way out, and that would also be too boring. And in the long run, I want you to be proud of me. I wanted you to look back and have pride with how far we’ve reached, and survived. I wanted you to see there’s as much, or even greater power, you have in your hands. You just have to take it, and take it wisely. In our lifetime, we might be offered second chances, or thirds, fourths. I hope to pick the right one for you, and choose the right door.
I am making this life now, so at least you could learn some. I might get hurt, and burned, and scarred, and broken. But I know the lessons they could bring would mean a lot to you. So I would endure whatever comes. Because this is for you.
Today, I am nothing. I am nobody. I am no one. But I shall go on living, and try as much to decide what I think is best. I will try to get less injuries along the way as much as I can help it, so there would be less scars. And I promise to learn how to trust. So you can learn to love again. Just so you can learn to not be afraid of the monsters of the past. I will do the battles for you now. I will endure all of this now, so you would not have to face the same ugly monsters with as much fear. Maybe you would learn not to be so afraid of them, by then. I would take these pain now, so it could hurt you less. Much better if it would no longer hurt you at all. I have learned that the skies are clearer after the storm. I want you to believe it, too.
Someday, when you look back, I won’t ask for thank-yous. It would be gratitude enough to see you happy, loved, appreciated. And I want to see you love fully, and trust completely. Maybe not with others just yet, but at least, in yourself. Most especially with yourself. I know it’s a process, and I intend to start now.
You are amazing. I have not realized it until now, but you are. And I hope someday, you get to feel all this love I have for you. You have a lot to give. It should not matter if they would give it back. You have, and you are more than enough. Please do not repeat my mistake of allowing anyone to tell me otherwise.
All I pray for is to have you embrace me back, and accept me fully. I hope in time, you will learn to forgive me, and love me, as much as I have learned to love you.
The ME Now