It’s been over four years since we last saw each other, and over three years since we last talked. You went on with your life and dreams, and I went on with mine. And as I can see, you’re very happy now. You’ve finally built everything you’ve dreamed of, and had more than you could ever ask for. God has been faithful to you like you’ve been to Him. I’m proud of you, and I know that you know that.
I wrote this letter, not to tell you how much you hurt me, but to tell you that I finally am happy for you because I love you. I love you and I forgive you for whatever it is that you know, and not know. I forgive you for the things you did, and didn’t. I forgive you for telling me things you didn’t mean, and for planning your dreams with me, and building it around someone else.
I forgive you for always breaking your promises, and for not caring the way you used to. I forgive you for turning back from our friendship and leaving it all on me, while I crawl bleeding in darkness and tears. I forgive you for letting me go, and giving up on me. I forgive you for hurting me like I never thought you would, and for not knowing you did, or ignoring the fact that you did.
I forgive you. I sincerely forgive you. And I forgive myself too. I forgive myself for hoping, and waiting for things I knew would never come. Things I knew were just empty with no hope. I forgive myself for caring too much for someone who didn’t. I forgive myself for building my dreams around people who are too busy building their own on some other things. I forgive myself for the things I never said and did when I had all the chances. I forgive myself for loving and hurting too much that I forgot those people who faithfully loved me, cared for me, stayed beside me, and kept me strong.
I forgive myself for finding it difficult to forgive you and myself for whatever happened, and did not. I forgive myself for thinking I have moved on by being with someone else that made me feel better, even though I was still bleeding and crying inside. I forgive myself for hurting myself even more. I forgive myself for holding on to you for so long, for far too long.
I know there are also things I neglected, and I’m sorry. There are things I did, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for whatever it is that drove you away. I’m sorry for whatever I did not say or do. I’m sorry for the times that I hurt you too. I’m sorry if I ever lacked the time to care or be there for you. God knows how much I wanted to. God knows how much I would; I just needed you to ask me to. I needed to know that you needed me. I needed to hear it from you. I needed to see how far you’d go, because I would myself, go as far as I can for you, because I loved you, and I am so sorry for thinking you loved me too.
I am so sorry if I ever made you feel that you did not matter to me, because God knows you meant the whole world to me. I was just so scared to get hurt, because of all people you should know very well how much I have been hurt by most men in my life. You know I’m afraid of going through what my mom has, my grandmother has, and my aunt has. I don’t want to be where they have been. I was so scared and I am so sorry. I’m so sorry for being scared of losing our friendship that we eventually did. I am so sorry.
I guess it’s true what people say, “Time heals all wounds”. It does, although it leaves a scar permanently, it’s what teaches you lessons, and reminds you of things you now know. And through all this, it really was God who healed my wounds. He made me realize how blessed I really am for having those people who remains faithful and supportive to me, especially at times when I needed them. At times when I thought everything I have ever known and ever had was crumbling down and crushing into pieces. Still God showed me that it was a blessing in disguise. He never left me through it all. He kept me going, even though it’s as if it was the end of the line, end of my story. He opened a new chapter in my life. He gave me a chance to live my life anew. And I thank you.
I thank you my friend for showing me that life just has to go on. For showing me who really is true, and who would stay even if it’s not worth staying. You showed me that I could be happy even if I’m alone, because I will never really be alone. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me, but I guess your role in mine just really was only until there where you left it. Thank you for teaching me lessons I will never forget, mistakes that I would never do again.
Thank you for breaking my heart, and making me realize I alone could help bring it all back together. Thanks for making me feel nice, and important for some time. Thank you for leaving me behind, and teaching me how to stand on my own. Thank you for the times you spent with me, and for the memories I will forever keep in my heart. And most of all, thank you for teaching me how to be strong, and how to love myself more before anyone else.
I’m happy for you. That you finally found someone who could give you back the love that you deserve, or probably more than you deserve. I’m happy that things are going well for you, and that you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you sincerely. I’m happy that I have finally learned to let you go, and be happy for myself, even if I don’t have you. I am happy that I learned all this, not when I’m feeling safe with someone, but when I am alone, happy with just me and God on my side.
I finally found the peace and the strength that has long gone by me, and you have taught me all that, my friend. You should be proud of yourself, as I am proud of you. I am so proud that we both have gone on with our own lives, and still doing it. I won’t deny that I still miss you sometimes. I still think about you sometimes, and wonder how you’re doing. I still feel the same way I did for you before, but this time, I am thankful, that we both learned our lessons, and got back on our feet.
We may not be together, but you’ll always have a big part in my life and my heart like you always have. I will always love you like I used to. But this time, I prefer to love myself, and those people who are still loving me, whether I deserve it or not. I guess we were never really meant to grow together, like we planned before. I guess this really is goodbye. I’ll see you someday and we’ll smile at each other, but it will never be the same, I know. But this is all for the best, and it’s okay. I will always miss and love you, but until we meet again, goodbye for now my friend.
You’ll always be my sweetest. I miss you.
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