Forgive me if I called you Babe. I know you’ll get mad, but I can’t help myself so just please allow me to call you that.
I know you are still mad at me for letting things fall into pieces. I know you’re still hurt because I broke your heart. I know you still love me, but you no longer want me back. I know I broke all the promises I had, I did not do my part as your partner. I left you hanging a lot of times. I wasn’t there when you needed me most. I’m sorry–those words are killing me for it gives me the feeling of guilt. Those words imply that I can no longer have you again–you may forgive me but it won’t change anything.
After we broke up, I didn’t realize how much I love you ’til I saw you cry. I saw all the pain in your eyes. I saw how much you loved me and how much I hurt you badly. I never thought that it would cause you so much pain. I was so insensitive and immature, I admit. But please believe me that I am begging for your forgiveness. I know you won’t believe me, you may not even allow me to explain because there’s nothing rational to be explained in the first place. It was clearly my fault.
The night after I realized how much lucky I am to have you, I cried so hard. I wept for your lost, but worse I wept because I was so stupid enough to just let you go. I was so dumb to not realize how blessed I am to have an imperfect girl with perfect care and incomparable love. How could I possibly not know that? Why didn’t I see all your efforts? Was I that blind not to see a perfect match right in front of me? Maybe, its true that you will only realize how much you love a person when she’s gone.
All the memories we had suddenly ran through my head. I remember how much you love to write about us, how much you love the simplicity of silence and how much you love when I’m around when you’re writing. I could remember you like a child who is easily fascinated by fake magic and simple tricks. I remember how your laughter fills the empty room. I remember how I easily please you when your mad.
It kills me. Knowing that you already gave up on me. I could feel the pain I caused you when I ignored you all along. I wanna hurt myself for doing all the bad things to you when all you did was to love me UNCONDITIONALLY. I didn’t know where and when it started. I lost track. I lost my way and now, I LOST YOU. And it’s all my fault. I put you in a place of darkness and broke all your dreams. I caused you pain you do not deserve. And with that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for letting you go through the dark times. Sorry for messing your life. Sorry for all the tears I caused you. I’m sorry you wept because of my shallow reasons and childish attitude.
I begged you to come back and let me heal your shattered self and broken wings. I plead you to be mine again but you said no. I tried to persuade you and tried to prove my sincerity. But you shut your door. You closed your heart for me but who I am to blame? I have no reasons to question your decision. I cannot blame you if you no longer want me back. I am an asshole, I know. I suck the chance I once had from you.
But still, I want you to know that I love you. That I am still here though I will only be loving you from a distance. I will love you silently and will still pray that you will forgive me one day. I still wish you all the joy you deserve though I know it’s no longer I that you will choose.
I am hoping that you will still believe in love. You deserve a man more than me. You deserve a partner who will put you first above anyone else. You deserve a guy who will not fool you. Not all guys are out to take you and break your heart. With a personality like yours, you will be easily loved.
Maybe this is Karma. I know I deserve this. Though I know that you will reject me, I still want you to know that I will be waiting here. I will still hope and look forward to the day that I will have you again. And if that happens, I will love you even more. I will give you the things you never had with me before. I won’t let this happen again. Maybe this is next to impossible, but I would still hope you’d come back.
Til then and forever, I love you.
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