Dancing Dandelions

Dandelions (Credits: oilsands.alberta.ca)

“Are we there yet?”

She softly whispered without even looking at my direction. She was busy feasting her eyes to the natural beauty of the scenery. We’ve been traveling for three hours now, and yet, I never heard a single complain of boredom on her side.

“Maybe a few more kilometers, are you hungry?”  I asked her with an awful worried face.

“Nah. Just wanted to get there before the sun sets,” she glanced at my side and looked away from the open windows. She smiles at me, as if it was her most perfect smile since a long time.

I stared at her, step up my foot on the gas pedal so that we slowed down. I looked at her vividly, as if examining every fragment of her angelic face. I touched her cheeks; caress some hanging strands of hair covering some parts of her eyes. I tucked those strands on her ears.  She holds my hand, grasps it with both of her hands and put it near her heart.

“Would you promise to take me there before sunset?” again with the sweet smile. The same smile I saw the first time I set eyes on her. It’s the same smile that melts all of your conviction to move opposite where she was. I nodded gently, with mouth half-opened. I wanted to say something, but dared not  when she grasped my hand more firmly.

She let go of my hands. Something inside me started to complain; it was her touch which pacify everything in me.  It was the nearness of her that makes me feel I’m alive. But she glanced back outside the car; she seems to be so amazed in every little thing she saw. Who am I to deprive her of happiness? I turned  my concentration back on driving. I started stepping  on the gas. I need to take her there before the sun sets.

I turned my attention back on the wheels. I occasionally glanced at her while she was busy watching the road through the open window of the car. She seems to enjoy everything she saw, as if she was watching a romantic – funny movie we used to watch. She occasionally rises up from her seat whenever she saw a wild animal on the side of the road. Her emotions reflected on her angelic face, just like before, when we used to watch bloody horror films.  I was really glad to see her like that. She looked at me, as if she was able to read what I was thinking. She gave that magical smile once again, that same smile she gave whenever she listens to me while I play the guitar and sings for her.

“Everything’s alright?” she asked me with a look of complete sorrow. I immediately moved my head, as disapproval to what she seems to think. I smiled and look away at her. Minutes later, I secretly glanced at her again. She was busy feasting her eyes on the views.

“Hon, we’re here,” as I gave her a soft nudge on her cheeks. She looked on my side, and as she sees what I’ve been pointing, her eyes brighten, as if it houses a million fireworks.

“Finally,” she said gently, as if freeing herself to every doubt and fear she had earlier.

“Please wait for me, let me do it”, as I saw her starting to open the car’s door.

“You better get the foods and blankets, I’m alright. Really, trust me,” still smiling. Her smile breaks my conviction again. I allow her to walk outside while I gather the food I prepare earlier this morning. I cooked her favorite food, the same things I did whenever we had a special day to celebrate. I gently picked up the basket which houses our provisions, carefully lifting it up. I was being extra cautious not to deform that custard cake I had baked. She personally requested for that.

I looked at her, as she slowly walks to edge of that cliff. The sun was emitting the golden rays she always wanted to gaze at. She looks back to me, she was smiling again. She never have this much smile since long time. Her smile will be a perfect specimen for a portrait depicting genuine happiness.

Luckily that time, I was equipped. I took a good shot of her. She was looking at me, unaware of the camera I was holding.  She was bathed in the golden rays of the sun, her long hair moving with the nature’s mild breeze. White pieces of dandelions gracefully dances around her, and her smile painted perfectly on her face. It was a perfect shot. I smiled childishly. She grins at me, as if she was cheated in doing something she will not ever do.

“You cheated on me,” she said to me while pinching my nose with a half-annoyed tone. I couldn’t help but laugh. She never really fancied being photographed.  Despite giving every positive remark about her photographs, which is, by the way, truthfully valid, she never got enough confidence to let her picture be taken.

“Trust me, hon, never in my life have I done that. Even intend to,” while I removed her hands from pinching my nose. She was laughing again, I felt relieved. I was having doubts of taking her here, but after seeing those laughs, I presume, I made the right choice. That beautiful laugh turns to smile, and then she looks in me, deep in my eyes. I kissed her in an instant. Her lips touching mine, as the world stops moving again, with only her heartbeat on my mind.

As we separate, she pinched my nose again. She laughs as if she was again, cheated to do a crime. I immediately set up the blankets. Bring out the foods, all of those her favorite. Her eyes brighten with every bowl of dishes the come out on the picnic basket. I was happy once again; it was long when I see that beautiful satisfied smile.

We ate excitedly, as we fill our stomach with the luscious food. She ate twice as she normally does, and that make me more than happy. Her happiness doubled as she saw the custard cake I made. Her hands trembling as she prepare to slice the cake, even commenting that the cake was so beautiful, her mind divided in the decisions of staring at it longer or eat it. Her eyes brighten further as she started eating the sweets. Then, we started reminiscing every moment we shared with each other.

We talked about how we first met each other on that very same place where we are right now. She visited this place with her office mates, while I was here with my buddies. We camped few meters with each others’ group, going to agreement to spent the holidays with each groups’ companies.  From the moment I saw her, with that magical smile; I know she’s the one. That last night of our camp, I approached her, and immediately asked her to marry me, without even asking if she was still single. She blushes, laughed at me. Good thing she doesn’t freak out. And yet, after few years, we ended up as a couple.

“Hon, will you come closer?” she said softly, with slight shaking evident in her voice.

“Are you cold, hon?” she didn’t respond. But her voice was evident enough that she was cold. The sun was disappearing from our eyes, as the wind blows much colder. Before sitting beside her, I grabbed another blanket from the basket. I also managed to bring my old guitar, the same guitar I used to play for her when we first saw each other on this place.

“Come here, hon, I got you a blanket”, I sat down by her side, and offered the blanket reassuringly. She smiles at me again. Immediately after sitting down beside her, I wrap my arms around her, hugging her as if I will never let her go.

“Will you miss me, hon? When I go away?” she asked me without even looking at me. I don’t know how to react. The calm tone on her voice triggered something in me to become aggressive. I never wanted to be away from her, even for a second, and she was asking if I will miss her, if she went away? Sighs.

“I’ll be going after you, as soon as I can hon”, I said half-amused and half rhetorical.

She suddenly release from arm lock. She looked at me, her head only moving. Maybe, she doesn’t have enough strength to move more, or maybe, just maybe, she’s feeling the same intensity of bitterness that I’ am presently feeling.

“I beg you not to….” she said calmly but with great emphasis.

 “But..” I tried to argue.

“You know very well, hon, that is not an option in the first place,” she said while caressing my cheeks. Tears fell down. I was crying. She had forbidden me to follow her. She doesn’t want me to be with her.

“I can’t survive without you at my side,” I said  without even looking. She wipes the tears that were falling from my eyes. I can’t let her see me this devastated state, but I can’t hold it much. The weight was overwhelming, and my senses were breaking.

“You need to let yourself be free of the things that would hurt you…” she said calmly again. How could she say that?

“Honey..” she calls me sweetly.

“Honey, please look at me…” she calls me again. My defenses fails me, I can’t ignore her anymore. I looked at her, with pain on my eyes, while on her eyes were nothing but contentment.

“I love you, never forget that.”

Few tears falls on her eyes, but she was smiling. She lean on me, with her slow movement, I knew she was dragging herself, so I move nearer to her.

“Life will never be this prefect, if I wasn’t able to meet you. Life has been perfect to me, despite every reason for imperfection, because God gave me you. Free yourself of the things that would hurt you, for in that way, acceptance comes smoothly.” she wholeheartedly whispers.

I stared at her, with no words to utter.

“Will you please be ok, for me?” She smiled again. I looked at her, imagining if I will be able to proceed as I will promise. I nodded. She hugs me, and again, whispers something in my ears.

“Will you sing me the song I told you about?” I see her nod a little. I have no strength to disagree. I get my guitar from my side. She sat down again, back on my chest, watching the setting sun. I positioned the guitar in front of us, so that it seems that I’m hugging her again. The golden rays were soon gone; the rhythmic dancing dandelions were now peaceful and shallow. I was feeling her slow heartbeats, her every breath. I started singing the song she told me about.

I need to talk with you again,
Why did you go away?
All our time together still feels like yesterday
I never thought I’d see
A single day without you,
The things we take for granted,
We can sometimes lose

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again?
Will I see you again?

‘Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I’ll never learn to smile,
But I know I’ll make it through,
If you wait for me…

And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They’ll never bring you home to me
Won’t you wait for me in heaven?

 “I Love you, Hon.” She whispered wholeheartedly. She closed her eyes.

‘Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I’ll never learn to smile,
But I know I’ll make it through,
If you wait for me…

And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They’ll never bring you home to me
Won’t you wait for me in heaven?

 

Then suddenly, her weak heart stops beating, her breath gone in an instant. The sun sets and gives strong orange rays. Darkness soon will come. Her hands fall down, and was hanging lifelessly on my side. I put down the guitar, and then hugged her with all of my might. I wanted to scream, to shout all the bitterness. But I promised her, not to feel this pain. I promised her to free of the things that would hurt me. She was gone, five years of fighting cancer has ended, and she has lost the battle.

And time will pass me by,
Maybe I’ll never learn to smile,
But I know I’ll make it through
If you wait for me…

She was gone, as the dancing dandelions fade away from my sight.


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About Mga-sulat-kamay

Hindi ko sasabihin ako ang ideal na tao... nagkamali, nadapa, nasugatan, dumugo, umiyak.. tumahan, naghilom, nagpeklat at sinubukang muli... ganyan ako, hindi perpekto... pero at least totoo... mga sulatin na may konting amag, pero 100 % biodegradable at consumable... safe but with little side effects.. ^_^