Complicated Relationship (A Message for Mr.B.)

Minsan na akong nalagay sa isang komplikadong estado pagdating sa pag-ibig.
Pinili kong maging tayo pero hindi rin naging tayo.
Ito yung tipong walang commitment but the two of us are acting like there is.
In short, malabong sitwasyon.
Yes, I really don’t know why I choose to be in that kind of relationship.
Mahal natin ang isa’t-isa pero no commitment.
Hindi pwedeng magselos, hindi pwedeng mag-demand, hindi pwedeng makialam sa iyo.
Madaming hindi pwede,basta mahal lang natin ang isa’t-isa.
Yun lang. And I pretend that we are officially together.
Bilang isang babae, ang hirap ng ganitong sitwasyon. Ang hirap na hindi ako mag-demand.
“Good morning!I love you!” “Hi! Eat your breakfast na.”
Tapos ikaw? Oo,wala lang.
Dedma sa mga text ko.
Maiinis ako. But remember, I can’t demand.
Mababaliw ako sa kakaantay ng text mo.
At ng magtext,
“Text po kita mamaya ha? Busy kasi eh.”
Wow! Wow lang. Eh ang reply ko naman,
“Awwww.Okay po.Sorry makulit.Miss na kasi kita eh. “
Mahusay. Napakahusay ng mga pangyayari.
But that’s it.
That’s how everything works between the two of us.
And when the time comes that everything turn upside-down, wala na.
Nawala ka na lang bigla.
Parang kabuteng sumulpot at bulang biglang nawala.
“Masasaktan ba ako o hindi?”
Ano nga ba yung dapat kong maramdaman?
Pipiliin ko bang umiyak, magalit o pabayaan na lang ang lahat?
Magpapakamanhid na lang ba o kakausapin kita dahil nasaktan ako?
May karapatan nga ba ako?
pero sinong masisisi ko?
Hindi nga ba’t ako din mismo ang may gustong maging ganyan tayo?
Sa isang malabong sitwasyon at oo,
sa kahit ano pa mang sitwasyong pinapasok ko,
wala akong ibang kakampi kung hindi ang sarili ko.
Hindi lahat ng tao sa paligid ko,maiintindihan ako.
Hindi lahat kaya akong intindihin.
Sa bawat sakit, ako ang gagawa ng lunas.
Maging matatag. Kumapit ako.
Lumaban. Para kanino ba yun?
Hindi ba’t para sa’yo din?
Hindi ba’t para sa puso ko yan? Siguro nga, tanga ako.
Siguro nga, hindi nag-iisip.
Siguro nga mali ang pinasok ko.
Masyado ako nagpadalos-dalos.
Pero nagmahal ako at walang mali dun.
Masasaktan ako, sigurado.
Matutong lumaban at tumayo;
maging masaya sa kabila ng sakit na nararamdaman.
Para sa iyo,
para sa sarili ko at higit lalo para sa puso kong nagmahal at nasaktan.

About Michelle

I am an open-minded person, energetic, outspoken, alert, adventurous, strong, quick thinker, confident and sometimes I have the tendency to be selfish, rude, impatient, and confused and I am not a good follower. I like challenges, actions; I like fighting about issues and I like being free. I hate if others would keep me waiting, or make fun of me and if others are being rude to me. And it's hard... for me to accept defeats.Also, at times I tend to be too harsh and critical of myself. If I make a mistake, I will brood about it for hours - or even days. I also have the tendency to be reckless. I drive fast and often do things without thinking of the consequences first. I love going to places where I have never been before and I love trying new things. I’m good at implementing new things but will get tired easily and won’t finish it anyway. I will change my entire life on a whim in order to follow some dream or romantic inclinations. I’d rather be outside hanging out with my friends than to be seated in a function hall together with my co-officers on a meeting. I love being with people who are intellectually challenging and I’m quite impatient with people who are slow .I am forceful and aggressive when it comes to the things I like. I am honest and direct. I am also tactless and hot headed but I forgive easily. I have the tendency to start a fight when I’m bored so I can entertain myself. I am a cheerful person, lively and playful. But despite my emotional courage, I am surprisingly sensitive and I always need for a reassurance that I am loved.