Chapter X

DSC_2567It is a familiar darkness. There are only two sources of illumination – the glittering stars of the sky and the ember essence of the candle lights in the land of the remembered.

“Bzzzz!”

I lazily rose from my blissful supine position. I took my gaze from the heavenly splendor to the disturbance on the stillnes of my bed. Without thinking, I picked it up.

“One message received.”

Without expectation, I opened it. Ah, ok. It’s you.

It was you and I had my second thoughts of responding but my nature compelled me to. And it was the start of a nice conversation – not too lengthy, not to short, enough to be a good and memorable one. It was a simple one and it concluded with a theme similar to the the essence of this mathematical property: 2+3=5 and 2×3=6.

The first was followed by a second, third until I lost count. Some of those were distant conversation and some were contact seconds. Suddenly, I noticed that I am enjoying the chats I have with you. The moments of discourse with you were drugs of addiction. I was looking forward to each talk. Your prowess stimulated my thoughts; your recommendations challenged my perspective; your ideas created layers of exceptional questions.

Then, I realized too late. You broke my walls; brought down all my defenses; raided the center of my being. Who would have thought that, I, a proud chief of myself, always vigilant of my intimate feelings, will lay defenseless, unguarded towards you. You shook the very foundation of my cautious self.

At first, I was on denial. I knew for a fact that you are not the one, or something on that line of thought. I was on denial, you are not meant to be and will never be. But the more I put logic into the scene, the more I denied, the more it grew. And there was nothing I could do but to accept.

I accepted. However, it will never change the fact that you are never meant to be and will never be. I settled in accepting these facts. I let it be.

I woke up from this dream. This dream will remain a fantasy. It will always be living beyond the capacity of my reality. A fantasy that will chain me forever. You were, are and will forever be one of the most beautiful things that ever happened in my life but I cannot live in fantasy of you that I created.

You are an irreplaceable reminiscence yet, an unreachable star. You are the fullness of my symphony yet the distant echo of my melody. I could have opted to forget you for my sake. But, I will just move on.

You were a lesson to a proud me. You gave me new perspective and taught me that I could also fail. It is possible that I could not have my ideal romance. For clarification, you are not at fault, I am. And if ever we will have the time talking once again, please start your line with something like: Do not commit the same mistake of falling to me.

If a year ago marked the start of a Space Shuttle ride with you, this day put a period on an old chapter.

For all of that, thank you my dear.