It’s pure hyperbole to say that I only write when my heart is aching, but it’s true — perhaps because that’s the same reason why I’m writing this ,I only blog when I’m really into it, Well it must be a combination of reasons: One, I want to freely write about what I feel ; two, whenever I blog about matters of the heart my blog always come out as honest and brave, sometimes naïve, but always in touch.
So what is it today that makes me blog, should I say what or is it more appropriate to say who?
Yeah. No doubt it’s her again, the very same motivation that I have for the past few months, the very same person who makes me feel uninspired and inspired at the same time .
She might be thinking that me lessening the sms –viber- thing would have mean ME being less in love with her but honestly it’s not , it’s just that I’m not so into being a part of that large population of techno consumerist who rely on this modern technology to keep personal relationships , that culture of “one click – one sms away” lose all the thrill of a real conversation –constant messaging makes me feel disconnected than making me feel the other way around and I don’t want to fall out of love just because of that .
I look in to her profile today, see the concert tickets – the perm treatment affair and all the other stuff she have – with ME not part of it , I realize mahirap talagang pumasok sa buhay ng isang tao and I guess whoever came along first just have that privilege to be a part of your world and it just so happen it’s not me .
I always say SHE is really lucky to have you and she is, she gets to be a part of those too-often times I wish it was me your with, and she maybe hot –tempered as you always say but then she still gets the best of you.
I have my own share of instances with you – stolen moments ,sleep deprive times ,which OK I’ll pretend didn’t thrill me but hell it did , the accidental brushing of arms ,the electrifying fit of my hands with yours , the look on your face , the one-inch reserve , the late night messages. Here ultimately are the things and schemes that, yes, makes me happy — at least some of the time.
It’s almost mid-night and I lie awake here still thinking of you, starting to assume this is really it , I guess this is just how my universe with you will be , a little bit more than friends but very very less than lovers.
This rainy weather makes me feel weak but all the while honest – this is me, batteries not included.
I know there could have been a lot out there that I could fall to, someone that I could perhaps own in a matter of time but definitely not someone who would take my breath away. I could settle for someone else available but I won’t , As Sting sings “ that’s not the shape of my heart “
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