Bakit Nga Ba?

QuestionsSimula nung nagbreak tayo, ang dami-dami nang tanong ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

“Bakit ganun kung kailan seryoso na ako sa isang lalaki?”, “Ano ba’ng nangyari sa atin?” “Bakit ganun, kung kailan maniniwala na sana ako sa FOREVER, niloko mo ako?”

Hindi ko maintindihan kahit ilang beses ko pang ulitin sa isipan ko ang pangyayari na iyon, bakit sa huli ako pa rin ang talo?

Marami akong gustong sabihin sa iyo, itanong sa iyo, at hindi talaga ako mapakali. Siguro that really is my nature. Gusto ko kasing maintindihan. Because what you are doing to me is so unfair.

You cheated on me, you broke my heart, but you won’t let me be away from you. Bakit ganun? Bakit mo pa pinipilit maging friends tayo? It’s only been a month since our breakup so gusto ko muna ng chance maka-move on sa iyo.

Then you say that you are confused, that you were blinded.

I want to scream at you. To get angry, to be mad, to be furious at you for what you did to me! Pero hindi ko kaya, kasi mahal na mahal pa rin kita. In the end, ikaw pa rin ang iniintindi ko.

For once, intindihin mo ako. Kung alam mo naman pala na nasaktan mo ako, bakit ganun, nagagawa mo pa rin saktan ako hanggang ngayon? Bitawan mo na ako. Hayaan mo akong sumubok na maging masaya ulit kahit na wala ka sa piling ko.

Bakit kaya na hindi ko maitanong ito lahat sa iyo?

Siguro kasi takot akong malaman ang katotohanan. Because a part of me already knows why you chose her over me. Kasi alam ko matalino ka naman talaga. I know you, and you know me. Ayoko rin tanungin ito dahil alam ko rin hindi mo naman sasabihin sa akin ang katotohanan, at ang lagi mo na lang sasabihin sa mahirap na tanong ay “hindi ko alam”. Pero alam mo eh.

Alam mo sa sarili mo na between her and me, I am the one who cares for you. The one who doesn’t want to see you hurt and the one who won’t leave you in pain. So you chose her, because she is the one who won’t think twice about leaving you. And just like that, you got both girls by your side.

Now, I’m tired. Both physically and emotionally. I want to rest and the only way that I can do that is to leave your side forever. Walang “muna”. Because you hve already chosen, and you didn’t choose me.

So I won’t ask you in person all of these questions because I know it won’t do me good. Because you answering my questions is not what I really want.

I love you. I really really do.

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