An open letter to my ex boyfriend/fiancé…

Image via ana-J Pixabay

Dear YOU,

Thank you for the almost seven years of staying and being by my side through thick and thin, ups and downs and despite all those misunderstandings and fights we had, we still managed to kiss and make up.

We worked in the same institution where we became friends at first. We hanged out as group and eventually became closer. I remember you being jealous of, me being courted by your friend. I asked advices from you but then it turned that you fell for me and I fell for you too.

It was a hide and seek relationship at first, nobody knew what was going on with us aside from your closest friends. But then eventually they all knew about us, and everybody were surprised. They can’t accept us because you still had a problem with your family before. You have a lovely daughter but you’re not married, and you weren’t in good terms with her mother as well.

Because I was too eager to push through with our relationship, I tried everything for your friends, family and loved ones to accept me. Then my sacrifices paid off, they then became close to me gradually.

After few years of being together, I decided to go abroad to work there. It was hard to be in a long distance relationship. We’ve been tested for 3 consecutive years, but we managed to stick together and made our bond stronger.

After ending my contract abroad, I went home and stayed for a while with you. We took all the time we had to go to places we want to go, we conquered mountains after mountains, we went out during your free days and so on and so forth.

April 2016, we went to Palawan together with my family. It was an annual family outing, and we brought you with us. I was clueless of what’s gonna happen really. And then you popped up the question in front of my face kneeling, asking me to marry you. And of course, I said yes!!! But there were no plans yet of where and when are we getting married.

We’ve been living together since then. Because you said you need to save money first for our wedding. I wasn’t dreaming of a perfect wedding honestly, but you insisted that you wanted one. So we just stayed together and live like we’re already a real couple.

After a while, my younger sister got married with her boyfriend and the supposedly year we are planning to marry was affected. We gave way. And still I was waiting for you to tell me when are you planning to tie a knot with me.

Because my sister’s husband is working abroad, he then decided to take her with him and everything changed.

I went home to the province to accompany my father because he was left alone already, since my sister went to her husband’s place to settle.

I applied for a work in a nearby hospital. We used to see each other every two months until we became both busy at work and rarely see each other anymore.

But to my surprise, you weren’t really busy at work after all. But you were busy being scratched by somebody else. I didn’t feel the coldness because you were really good at pretending that as if nothing is happening. You were stabbing me behind my back and I was totally unaware.

One time you went home to visit me, I was sitting beside you and you were checking your IG account. I was not really that type who checks phone, but my instinct that time was bugging me. I accidentally saw a picture of a girl having a selfie on a mirror. I asked you to browse that photo again because you were in a hurry to put it down. I said that mirror and the place looks familiar, and it was our room. I asked you who the girl was. You said it was our friend from the other room’s chic. But again I asked you what the both of them were doing in our room. And you insisted that they used our room because of the mirror etc. Excuses excuses.

I felt really mad that time but I didn’t let you notice it. I tried to recall the name of the girl. I searched for her on IG and facebook and because of my skills, I found her.

Then I already knew that time that she was your other woman. I then asked you again and you explained and admitted everything. Oh, not everything, but at least you admitted some of it. Because you’re the type of guy who doesn’t want series of questioning, I dint asked furthermore but just answered my own queries.

It was hard for me to accept everything but I tried my best to forget what you’ve done little by little though its really hurting me. You tried winning me back. I saw the effort but I admit it wasn’t enough.

I was about to accept everything again because I felt that you already changed. But unfortunately, I found out that you still had communication with her and worse is that you were still seeing each other. I didn’t argue with you anymore, hence you cried and asked for forgiveness. Everything, all of the plans and all of those years just got destroyed. You said you were just being pressured of our wedding. But damn! How can you feel that when in fact I was the one being pressured by my family and friends. They kept asking me when we are getting married but I kept quiet because I really dint know what to say.

I gave you the chance to recover, gave you time and space to renew and come up with a better version of yourself. Told you to just come back to me when you know you’re ready. And here I am still waiting.

I tried not to let this thing wash me away, I pretended that as if nothing is wrong. All of my friends and family were asking me if we are still ok and told them we are. No one knew except some few trusted friends. I hid behind a mask, wore fake smile and acted jolly always. But I cried a lot every night. Hoping and praying for our relationship to be back on track.

I was then hoping that you will be constantly communicating with me, but you did not. I was always the first one to message you and ask you if you are ok, sending you photos of our dear Oli so we have a reason to converse. That’s all! You’re still this selfish arrogant human being not thinking of anything but yourself. You cannot even initiate a conversation. So how will I act upon that? I remember you saying that I will be the last girl you will love if we will not end up together. And made me believe that there will still be a chance for us to be together again. But I think I was wrong!

While you left me hanging and still thinking that everything will be ok soon, you’re there busy living like you haven’t hurt anyone and busy enjoying you life.

So my question for you now is, should I still wait for you to come back or should I now go on with my life, pursue all my dreams alone and eventually look for someone to replace you in my heart?

About byepoohlar_24

Extrovertly introvert at times. Loves to make people laugh. Joker by profession.