An Open Letter to Jimmy Sieczka and His Hate List About the Philippines

Jimmy Sieczka
At the end of the day, you love us

If you weren’t so good-looking, I would hate you.

You are the semi-complete embodiment of everything that is cool and not Filipino. But who am I to say you’re wrong when every single thing you said about us as a country is true.

The decaying water drum in your opening scene represented the leadership abilities of our local government officials, and your simple nonchalant way of addressing it was a foretelling of what was to unfold.

And we, the proud Filipinos, who were to watch your video for the next 30 minutes (ads included), would be subject to your scrutiny and high opinions.

Boy did we not bleed?

Ironically, we were entertained by your crack at us. Your mockery was the next best thing after Eat Bulaga.

You had us laugh at ourselves that when you said everything in this country is under construction, I paused to imagine the number of building cranes I see atop rising buildings every single day.

Ding ding ding, Jimmy, you were talking about me.

So it made me think. You dropped too many revelations that we, as a culture, suddenly had a collective eureka moment for the next few minutes of buffering your video.

And it wasn’t easy, knowing you told us things we ought to have known ourselves.

True, we knew a lot of them, but you had to say it Jimmy! You just had to:

  1. We know about the filth everywhere on the streets. No amount of Ariel or Tide could erase the trace of pollution. But no one, probably because of the murky air we cannot see a thing, said a word.
  2. Yes, most (mind you, not all) of us love whitening products. You guys love getting tanned. Tit for tat.
  3. Good to know you noticed that even in the cities, we have chickens – roosters, cocks. They make great food and profit. We love chickens. Good thing you’re not one. I actually admire your boldness… No, seriously. I’m not kidding!
  4. Frisking is the heart of the Philippine security system. Remember SARS? We are so advanced in our national security that even those horrible viruses cannot enter our shores.
  5. Haha about the Koreans.
  6. Beggars are everywhere. They particularly like foreign guys who’re you-looking. Just saying.
  7. Oh yes, if it stinks, it’s pee-able. Look for areas with the sign “Bawal umihi dito”. It has the most stink. The best place to relieve yourself in. Of course, the shaking part still applies.
  8. Cockroaches are everywhere… in the world.

But your heart-wrenching litany was what caught us off guard. You taught us too many new things I honestly was left replaying your video over and over again you received a thousand hits in a day.

  1. You made us widen our eyes in bewilderment and say, “Wait, they peddle male organ enhancers in streets?” We thought these stuff come in the most secret section of the drugs store, if there is one.
  2. You made us realize we’ve been eating in the same wet market all our lives and never got the chance to count just how much salmonella attacks missed us.
  3. You made my friends google MILF, just to get the joke that is our forever interfaith conflict in the South.
  4. You made us think if the guns of our sekyu (security guards) do work.
  5. Hot lady boys? The last time I checked, I’m the real thing.
  6. You made us evaluate just how much metal were wasted for the staples wires on your small purchases.
  7. You made us think twice before beeping while driving.
  8. We didn’t even know those were not motorbikes! Gah!
  9. We now question the existence of barkers.
  10. “What? You don’t have those cute little tissues in your country?”
  11. You made us want to stop calling our CR, CR. Sigh.
  12. You made us realize that someone actually notices about the everyday road accidents.
  13. You don’t love loud blasting bass music? C’mon! It’s heart-pumpin!

Why did it have to take one hot-looking halfie (rumour has it that you are) to tell us things we do not know? More so, shove to our faces things we already know, but are too blind to really see.

Your simple statements are a mild slap to our psyche as a people – that it has to take a non-Filipino to tell us what in the world is wrong with us.

We love what you did. Honestly, the joke is on us. But it sucks knowing it had to be you. It could’ve been Manny Pacquiao, PNoy, Kris Aquino, or Charice. They could have gotten to your haters better, but then again, they wouldn’t have done a good job.

Now on to my nth play.

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About manilacitizen

I am an apostolic kingdom citizen. I edit articles during the day. Preach the Word of God in-between. I am a tourist guide in my free time (which is rare). I am a walker and an eater. I live and thrive in the jungle called Manila. I am a Manila citizen.