She had said too much. But it seems he’s not taking them seriously. She doesn’t know what to make of their relationship anymore. So she said no more pointing fingers. Maybe they both have to be blamed for all the sad things that has happened between the two of them. She believed they both have their shortcomings and that they’re both too proud to admit their mistakes, making it both difficult for them to patch up their differences. Sad indeed.
She asked herself, where could they be heading? They have led a cat and dog life for years, which began when she left them to work in a foreign land. They had endless arguments and misunderstandings. Communication gap, literally, made things worse because he suddenly cut all his mode of communications with her.
Anyway, she could say that she stood the trials pretty well. She made allowances for him. She was never like the meek kind who suffers in silence. She has always given a good fight. There were arguments but they had always come to each other in the end. But this time, it’s different. The effect brought by this recent affair has become so alarming that she already lost hope that in the end, they’d still be fine.
She admits that she was one of those intensely jealous and possessive woman who wouldn’t let go of anything or anyone that she thinks which belongs to her. That was why she tried to keep him away from other women. She was afraid to lose him. But she still did lose him…on her own volition.
His being an unfaithful husband has been the source of so much pain to her. She has endured his past infidelities and have forgiven him for them, though forgetting is quite difficult, especially so that the affairs were recurrent. But she’s had enough of it now.
The recent turn of events in their married life has pained her more than she could imagine. It’s as if the world has fallen upon her, upon hearing all the words he’d said. She suddenly realized, enough is enough. She wanted to keep whatever little respect and dignity left for herself so she has decided to put an end to her agony. She now chooses the right path and would try to begin moving on, after she has let go of all her troubles.
She always thought they were crazy about each other. Her thoughts turned out wrong though. It must have been that they cared for each other, but that’s just it. He cared but didn’t love her, for he was never mindful of her feelings. She felt he has never considered her emotions in any way. She thought that if he really loved her, then he wouldn’t have hurt her that much…but he did and he crushed her to the core.
Now they have come to the end. She has come to realize that the game is over. Why would she insist herself to someone who doesn’t appreciate her anymore? Why does she have to beg for his love? No use at all. She has hit her head hard to the realization that no matter what she does, she could never have his love so she’s giving up. If she lost the battle, so be it. She will let him go with a good grace rather than fight for nothing.
The truth is this will hurt her a lot, but that it has to come to an end. She just thought that they would only be hurting each other more if they’d continue this cat and dog relationship, and they might end up hating each other for life. It wouldn’t be healthy to bear grudge for one another, especially that there are kids to consider. They couldn’t be enemies for long because of the children. So whatever respect they have for each one should be kept intact for the children’s sake and welfare.
For a fleeting moment, she thought she wanted to kill him than let him go completely and finally to another woman. But it was just a stupid suggestion concocted by the green-eyed monster and she doesn’t have the heart to heed its call. Because she loves him, she’ll put his happiness first. If he didn’t find happiness from her, she still wish him well that he finds it where he thinks he could find it. It is better to let him go. At any rate, she wouldn’t want to keep him if he wanted to be free.
She believed that to go on loving him is by letting him go and lose him and not to hold on to something that she’s no longer sure of. She told him, “Thank you for everything.” The last three years rained so hard on her, but she has high hopes that this year 2012 and onwards, she could finally see the light after being in the dark for some time.
She chooses to be happy now by throwing all her cares away, accepting the fact that things wouldn’t seem to get better anymore, and by just simply letting go… she and her kids may have lost one man, but what matters most is they have each other. With her two children waiting for her return, she is very sure that she would still have the happiness she wished for… and the three of them will make it happen at all cost.
Photo credit: chucklestravels.wordpress.com
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