A LETTER TO THE HURTING WIFE
I have seen how you struggle these past years trying to keep your family intact.
I’ve seen all the pain that you went through but you still manage to smile. You were abused physically, verbally, emotionally and financially but you always choose to forgive him, because you love him that much. Stupidity at its finest. I know right? Why do you have to endure all the pain and sufferings when your love is quite obviously unreciprocated?
Why did you have to believe all his lies when the truth is right in front of you? Why did you trust him that much that he made a fool out of you? In the first place, why did you love him when you know he can’t love you back the way you wanted?
I have seen how the two of you started. You were young and carefree like a bird when you met him. But you were also mending a broken heart from your past relationship. For you it was just a game that children play. But you played with your emotions. You didn’t expect to fall in love so deeply that you found yourself drowning.
Was it his dreamy and enchanting eyes that has drawn you to him? Or was it his irresistible smile that can brighten a gloomy day?
Was it his super hero physique that made you feel safe and protected when you are with him?
You’ve been telling that you like the way he made you feel during the start of your relationship. He made you feel like a queen, worthy of a king’s love and affection. He showered you with all the things that made you feel that you are the most important human being in this world!
I recall how you often tell me how you enjoy talking to him with everything under the sun; that he’s a man of substance, who doesn’t talk with his mouth. He is quite an opinionated and an intelligent man. You are at peace when you are with him, for he brings calmness to your soul.
Ironically, I remember how you get furiously mad at him but would still want him beside you. Only he can stop the burning flame in you. I asked you this a hundred times, “Why do you love him?” And you would answer me the same every time, “Because I love him. Do I have to have reasons why I do love him?” That hit me right there and then.
So… his ex-girlfriend is back.
And I can see she’s causing you pain. The pain you have tried hard to bear from the start. She took a part of him that you can’t have.
Though you accepted and loved him, with all that he is, I know a part of you is still yearning for that part of him that died when she left him. You did your best to give life to that part, even though it means lowering your standards and changing the you I used to know. You told me you’re giving your full trust on him, that he is loyal and faithful. I understand you love him. But you trust him even though you are hurting.
Does he really have to know the “what ifs”? Does he really have to entertain her again and allow her to come back to his life knowing that you’d be hurting? Can’t he just ignore her and let her be a thing of the past (where she belongs)? How can he stand seeing the girl who has loved him all these years crying for the pain that only he can take away?
Maybe not, right? He chose to keep on hurting you despite all the efforts and sacrifices which are unappreciated. You were the one who helped him be the man that he is now, when his ex-girlfriend left him for someone she thought was better than him. He took you for granted yet you stayed beside him. You paid the price for all the mistakes that his ex-girlfriend did. But you allowed him, you willingly did.
I want you to stand in front of the mirror, I want you to look at the image that you see.
Is it still the same you that I used to know? Where is the lioness that is mighty strong and courageous? Do you even see how far better you are than his ex-girlfriend?
I want you to remember that it’s NOT your fault that you love him too much, that you allowed him to be the center of your life, that you allowed your world to evolve around him and him alone. Acknowledge the mistakes and the stupidity, enough of being the so-called martyr. Pick up the pieces and stand for yourself. It won’t be your loss if he chooses to leave you for her. Continue with what’s left behind. It’s up to you to make the choices.
Leave him or stay.
Know the consequences, be prepared to face them. Leaving him would mean starting with life all over again. You’ll be just fine. It’ll be the hardest thing you could ever do, but it’s worth the try and might lead you to better opportunities for your self-growth.
Staying with him and keeping the family together might seem hard right now, but keep in mind what made you love him. If you can let go and forgive him, then I think it’s also worth a thought. Be willing to start over again with him, bury the past behind and move forward hand in hand. But you have to be both willing to do this if you want to stay together. Don’t be the so-naïve kind of girl who always forgives when the other partner is not willing to accept and acknowledge his mistakes.
At the end of the day, it’s you who’ll decide.
Love is a two-way stream, You can’t go on sailing while the other have stopped wanting to go on. If love isn’t enough, then there’s no point in hurting yourself over the things that you can choose to let go. Moving on might be hard and difficult, but trust me it will be worth it.
Keep the lioness’ roar loud, you are strong and courageous! Yet so gentle and loving!