Should relationships be easy?
It can. If you work at it.
I am going to presume that you already know the basics like don’t cheat or betray your loved one. That’s common sense.
But what about the small things we overlook that when compounded will lead to a terrible relationship?
To compare your loved one with your ex or someone else you wish for them emulate is just plain wrong.
Not only does it lower their self esteem, it also hurts them to know that you think about someone else when they are not up to your level of expectations.
2. Going to bed angry
This was something I adopted since day one with my partner.
I follow this rule after hearing a story about an old grandpa who had an argument with his wife the night before.
The next morning, he woke up and got himself ready to go to the market.
He tried to wake her up, but she never did.
Never presume tomorrow will come. Make peace with your partner while you can.
3. Taking their effort for granted
We are all guilty of this one way or another.
Whenever our significant other does something for us the first time, we see it as novel and we appreciate it.
But upon the 10th and 15th try, we start to presume that it is supposed to be this way.
Instead, treat each action with appreciation always.
They don’t have to do the things they do, but they choose to.
Show appreciation for even the smallest of acts – it will make a huge difference in your relationship (trust me).
4. Dismissing their petty problems
Whenever you partner comes to you with their problems however small, acknowledge it – they needed to talk to someone about it and they chose you.
If you are busy with work and it is INDEED urgent, tell them you will get back to them in a while (give them a time frame).
If the work or leisure activity isn’t important, just drop it and engage.
Think to yourself during such occasions: “Does this pass the deathbed test?”
Would I cherish my not-important work or leisure activity on my deathbed?
If it’s no, then your partners’s petty problem is more important to attend to.
5. Keeping score
This occurs most often in the “contribute to the household” argument.
When you do something 10 times, you expect the other to do 10 times as well.
If you make more money, you expect all things to revolve around you and that you deserve to do less.
While in certain cases this may seem fair.
But in a lot of times, it’s just entitlement.
If there were no such social constructs, would you ever care so much to keep score?
Only when you are drained, you would want your other half to help out.
But if you have no problem doing it yourself and you are more better at it – why not do it yourself and let your partner do what they do best?
Talk. It. Over.
6. Not supporting them
Most of us just need people to support our efforts.
We are not asking to be lectured on what we should or should not do.
We are smarter than what most of our peers think.
We have thought it through enough and we want to do it.
The only thing we ask for is their support.
7. Bringing up the past
I really see zero need in bringing up the bad side of somebody’s past.
As much as it shaped their being today, why feel the need to bring up something bad they did before just to stick it to them?
It shows your lack of effort and creativity when it comes to communicating your frustrations.
Instead, cool down and talk to them only when you are calm and rational.
If you are looking for trouble, you will find it.
This post was written by Ben Sim from iPrice group.
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