Why every woman should know her man’s past (before getting serious in a relationship)

Ever watched late Britanny Murphy’s little black book? (the actress who starred in the movies ‘Clueless’ and ‘8 mile with Eminem’?)  It’s about a girl named Stacy who was living perfectly fine with his boyfriend until her mind was polluted by Barb, her co-producer, that his boyfriend was having an affair with his ex  which eventually turned out to be true. She had Stacy investigating all of her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriends.

You know I’m a huge fan of popular one liners from different movies and this one got me thinking ” If you’re happy with what you know, do you deserve explanation with what you don’t?

I still believe that not telling everything is still far from lying. I’d define lying to be distorting the truth while not telling everything? It’s another story, I mean, we have the right to choose whom to trust and up to what extent shall we allow them to know. Besides, we don’t owe everyone the whole story unless they are involved and it has something to do with their lives. So unless it is asked,  we’re safe from lying, I believe so.

But this belief of mine kinda contradicts the line above. There may be instances when the latter may be applicable, but when it comes to love, are we really supposed to know everything about our lover’s past? Even if we’re perfectly doing fine?  I adore those women who never had insecurities in their lives (that’s if there’s any). Most of us women find our boyfriends’ ex/es very significant.

We’d like to know: is she prettier than me? Is she eloquent? Is she sophisticated We want to know our edge among them. We look for their flaws so we could feel better among ourselves because we want to prove men that they made the right decision for choosing us. And when we find that they are better than us that’s when jealousy strikes in. On my part, however, I didn’t want that, I feel it’s too unfair for the other woman to be hated when she’s not even doing anything wrong to me ( seriously am I being obvious for being a feminist here?). So I befriended them like how Stacy befriended Joyce in the movie, but that’s only because I want to convince myself that there’s nothing to be jealous about and not because I want to prove that they are still having an affair.

When we fight, what women actually want is to hear only what she wants to hear – that she is right with her gut feelings.  And unless she hears them exactly the way she wants them to hear the fight goes on. We want confessions that would confirm we were right in the first place. At least for me, that’s how my mind works. But can we really handle truth?  or in some cases, are we ready for the questions? Can we give answers?

Often we get jealous because we feel something different or something is changing, yet the other keeps denying it or sometimes  like in the movie, we listen to the devils advocate. Are we better off  not knowing then or would you rather know the truth and live with it?

I think the answer always depends on you, How well do you know yourself, are you the kind who’d rather be dead than leave your man?  Then I guess you rather not know everything. But if you’re the kind who always believes that you deserve the best then man should tell you everything you need to know especially if it involves your feelings.

So if I’m to answer the questions above “If you’re happy with what you know, do you deserve explanation with what you don’t? My answer is yes, I deserve explanation for the things I don’t know when there’s a cheating going on behind my back.  I’m fine with not telling everything if you know it won’t affect me, but if the intention for not telling me everything is because you know this might change my mind or my decisions in life, then you are guilty of lying.

If theres’s one thing I have learned from past relationship you have to be very wise to know: when to ask; what to ask and how to ask about their  past, because not knowing history condemns us to repeat it. They may be the victims in their stories, but there’s always the other side of the coin. The story may or may not always be like that. Indeed, life is a gamble, but even poker has a cheat.

I believe knowing your partner’s history is equally important as to preparing for your future together.  Know their potentials and tendencies before putting investments unto them.We may not have the power to find the perfect man for us, but at least we could save ourselves from being guinea pigs all the time.

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About Pennylane

Columnist at Headline Gitnang Luzon | Radio Jock 95.1 FM/ Event Host | melodramatic fool |wannabewriter | toy collector
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